Yes he does know he has issues with his childhood even during this psycho time. I think especially during this time is a better way to describe it. I can completly understand your anger at his parents, I too have anger at my H's parents. Much much much anger and I know that they are the underlying reason for all of this. That doesn't make it much easier really. In fact I've spent much of the last month or so just plain angry in general that I am being punished for their mistakes. Our S is being punished for their mistakes. And that makes me want to spit nails. Do your best to insulate your kids. Talk to them and let them talk to you. I don't remember how old they are, mine is a teenager and is the one who told me MLC, I was just to unable to see through the fog, so I know he understands. But his feelings are just as deeply hurt as if he didn't understand. But he does come up with some pretty interesting comments and insights. He was calling my H a turtle, now, since he has been learning to drive, he says H is moving at idle speed, especially since there has been basically a standstill occuring. He still has a lot of faith that things will change and just tries to help me keep my PMA. Funny thing is I"m actually fine when H is not around. When it gets close to the time he comes home from work, even though most days are peaceful anymore, I start to get tense, and that is when I begin to pray. The strength comes and I survive. Everyday.
Thank you for your post, I was beginning to feel like I was the only one who had those angry feelings toward the parents. I haven't seen anyone else post about that in anything I've read. And I read your other thread. They do have moments of clarity, unfortunately, when the realize it, or when they know that we see them, they run right back into the tunnel. My H was peeking his head out quite a bit for a while. But then he just couldn't deal with what he was seeing and stuck his head right back in the sand. Has been there, for the most part, for about two months now. The time is getting shorter between H and alien, but I don't know. The way he ran right back into the tunnel, with such force, makes me wonder if he will be able to process or if he is just going to stay stuck.
Read what you can about MLC and depression. It helps when you can understand it. I doesn't change the pain, but it helps you process and it helps to keep the armor in tact. Yes they do look for chinks in the armor. I don't think they do it intentionally, but they know us just as well as we know them so they start pushing the buttons they know about. When they think that doesn't work anymore, they do look for different buttons. It all seems so cruel and it is. But it really isn't intentional.
I try with the faith. So hard. But I have witnessed too many miracles, true miracles, in my life to not believe.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
