Matilda, I'm not sure how I feel when he asks me to go along. I think he genuinely likes me and is offering out of kindness and inclusiveness. My W is silent when he asks me to go. I don't think she would mind if I went as long as I assumed her role.
I don't think it would work though. I would grow weary of the incessant chatter, the emphasis on food, and being his tireless support in helping him to solve his domestic problems. My W seems to enjoy the role.
He is trying to help his high functioning MR young adult son establish independence in the community. This is taking up a lot of his time. He needs to learn to establish boundaries with his son, who seems to want his time on demand. He and my W have missed several nights of dancing to respond to his crises.
Detachment and GAL allow me to spend my time as constructively as possible, and to intersect with my W as little as possible. It certainly is the slow road, though I think the one in my best interest for now. This boundary allows the marital dysfunction to continue, with the hope that I'll get more fearless, more connected in the dance community, wiser in my decisions, more skilled in my ballroom dancing and writing hobbies, and that there will be opportunities to move the M forward at some point, whether it be Piecing or D. This is not a zero tolerance approach.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
