Still Wondering How To Handle Things!!

[Sanderika]

Hi kissak....

Just stopping by to say hello....I just finished reading your last thread.

Your H is still riding smack on the center of the MLC fence like mine. Why is it if we are living our lives alone as they created, do we still have the ability to drive them crazy with jealousy? We are not their concern any longer. Right???

I have also come to realize that H doesn't want me (right now)all the while he wants to make sure I am not moving too far in the opposite direction. I think they create a denial about their feelings for us. I think it is a product of their own fears.

I got my a$$ chewed on my cell voice mail last Saturday am (8:25am) cause H couldn't reach me on any phone. I didn't take the bait. When I finally got around to checking phones (3:30pm), I simply sent him a text that said..."sorry I missed ur call" I then addressed his question about son and left it at that. He got....No Hello, No Goodbye, No Defending, No anger, I simply said sorry because I am polite and kind and I would have said that to anyone.

On Sunday nite at 11:15pm H sends me a text that reads:

Question: prior 2 me movin out, what did you dislike about me the most, B honest, take ur time 2 answer

You know we have been around this barn a few hundred times in the past 47 months. I asked him why the question now and he said "it's all about self-improvement." Huh? I still wonder why. Huh? Self-improvement for who? Me? OW? I have not replied yet.

They do not know what they want rather they know what they don't want. That is to come home to like it was. They are untrusting that things have changed.

They appear to not want us or the marriage or family they created. This is denial and fear.

They will not stay away from us or let us go or move on making their choice permanent. This is also fear based and unsurity of their own wants.

They want to know our every move and with whom we spend our time.
This way they know if they have the option to return when it suits them if it ever does.

They are selfish in that they expect us to be waiting breathless for their next contact and are angry at us for not waiting. They are selfish and still trying to control the sitch.

They are miserable. I don't think they are one bit happy. This they have yet to learn.

I have exactly 19 days to go until our 6 month D proceeding postponement ends. We have a court schedule for Friday, July 24th @ 9:30am. I am very scared and anxious.

I can't almost function because I am so worried. I am not sure what his next move will be, I can guess that it will be another postponement. H is still with OW. I am sure they have been together for the entire holiday weekend.

I have been alone this weekend. I took my son to summer camp last Weekend and I pick him up the 11th. I am quite sad.

I am so glad that you and your children had a wonderful vacation at the beach. I love the beach. It is a wonderful thing to live close enough to it to enjoy it. I am in Maine, remember. The water here isn't so enjoyable as it is in the Carolina's. IT's still refreshing to be near the water and smell the fresh air.

I am always sad that our H's cannot enjoy their families and take pleasure in seeing joy on the faces of their kids. The beach is one of the things kids enjoy the most.

You know...we are truly fortunate that we have our kids. They are the ones losing out on the magic of seeing childhood through the eyes of our kids. I try to remember that that is a place they choose to be. SOOOOOOO SAD......

Harry Chapin's song "Cat's in the Cradle" describes the relationship my Son has with his Dad to a "T". I am powerless to rectify the sitch between them. It has been this way since our son was born.

On that note, now that I am depressing, I will close....

I am thinking of you and wanted you to know....

I hope your 4th of July weekend has been full of fun, light-hearted and memorable (in a great way)!!!

(((((Hugs)))))

Sanderika