Living, Loving, & Learning one day at a time

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, ((((((Treese))))))!!

It's been a long time and I've wondered about you......

I'm so sorry you are in such pain right now. You are an amazingly beautiful person and deserve better!!

I just have a few points I want to share with you that have helped me to turn a corner recently.....

1. Of course you understand the need to get a lawyer to protect your and your kids interests, but also I chose to get one because I did not want to spend the emotional currency of going through D by myself! I am an emotional person (nothing wrong with that I am finding) and I don't have the ability to seperate that from my thoughts in making decisions..... so I needed a lawyer for my own mental and emotional health. It took a while (I interviewed several) but I found one that I really bonded with and felt much more comfortable after I had found her.

2. Speaking of "emotional seperation", My C told me that in his experience, people that go through these MLC type of things, are people who have a historically tendened to see things in black and white with little room for the gray areas in life, BUT they have always sort of worn their "morals" like a coat they put on. They talk the talk, and even appear to walk the walk, but as far as their real inner belief system goes.....not really. Do ya' see what I mean? They "believe" with their head and not their heart. These people can seemingly "change" almost beyond recognition very quickly.

My C said that he knows a woman who was married for 35 years to a minister. His father was a minister too. She was the perfect minister's wife and they raised several children together...... Up until 10 years ago when he left and he now lives up on a mountain with no eletricity and "communes with nature" and is an avowed athiest!

I know this description very much fits my H, because looking back I can see many instances where he was not one to "take the higher road". I remember thinking to myself that I absolutely abhor "judgemental people" and yet my H was the most judgemental person I have ever met! I'm wondering if maybe that applies with your H too, because he has this "love child" that is now 10 years old. That seems to me that perhaps this is not just "MLC", but a real long standing lack of true conviction of moral values.......

3. Having said that, I will ask you a question...... if you could absolutely 100% guarantee that just around the corner there was man just waiting for you who was genuine, and affectionate, and funny, and dependable, and....... if this man was standing next to you with his hand out to you, and your H was standing on the other side with his hand held out saying he would "change", who would you choose?...... and why?

I asked myself this very question very recently and was surprised to come to the realization that I would choose "the new guy". Don't get me wrong. I love my H and always will until the day I die. But I realize that the only real reason I would want him back now would be because of our history together and the sorrow of letting that go..... but that is not enough to build a happy future on. The man my H is now is not the man I thought he was (or the man HE thought he was either!).

Anyway, hang in there, Treese! Remember, if you want to look me up in the alt under "SChrldr", I would love to talk with you.

Take care!