Well, I "mowed" the lawn for the first time in my entire life today! I actually took a weed eater and used it to mow down all the wild grasses in my yard. It was a lot of work! This lawn crap is not all its cracked up to be!

H and I are communicating a lot less now. Im a little concerned, but I am really trying to stay positive about it, after all he is on vacation with his mom right now. But I dont know if his mom knows that we are trying to reconcile, and Im more than a little nervous about how she will react.

Im also really dealing with some anger right now. I am 27 years old, there is a biological clock and it is ticking my friends! I want to have a family. I dont want to be 55 when my kids are grown, I wanted to be young and energetic while my kids were growing and after, when I would get to share a well lived life with my partner. I am so angry at him for taking that chance from me. I am angry at him for making me go through all I have alone and for what he has done to me and my ability to trust, almost the innocence that he took. He ruined everything.

Hopefully I am just having a moment! I really think that if he were to come home right now, I couldnt keep my mouth shut about these things. And Im not sure that I should!

I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...