Jumping in (1st post)

[Gardener]

So, I plan to be with my wife, to be comfortable, no egg-shell-walking and to have a little fun together. Nothing more.

Well, two out of three ain't bad: quite comfortable, not an eggshell underfoot. Fun? I had a blast. Not together, though.

Picked my wife up at her apartment. Pleasant enough ride to town field. I mention that S, DIL and Grandson are here somewhere. Walking two minutes from car to field she twice comments that "this isn't a date, you know". Okay. Uh-huh (on the ride home later, a better answer comes to me: Wish I had simply said, "I know; I didn't ask you on one." Ah, hindsight).

She asks if S and DIL know she's going to be there. I told her that they don't even know I'm coming, let alone both of us. To which my wife replies that she doesn't want them to think this is a date. DIL sees us, expresses surprise to see either of us and says, "it's so nice to see you guys together." My wife replies - what else? - "This isn't a date. We're just here for the fireworks." Methinks thou doth protest too much, I think, Bardly.

She's doing what I can only describe as a "polite acquaintance" approach toward me and is her usual warm, effervescent self to the rest of the family all evening.

Wife and I go to get food, acquaintance-like. After eating, I mention that I'm going down to check out the band and the crowd "if anyone wants to join me." So I go alone. Spent the next couple of hours enjoying S, DIL, GS, the crowd, games, atmosphere. And I had a great time.

I sat near her on the blanket as the fireworks show was on. We always both get so identically, over-the-top kiddy-giddy at fireworks and tonight was no different.

i drove my wife back to her new home and came home with three recurring thoughts during the drive:
- That is one serious, well-constructed wall she's built for herself.
- I feel pitifully sorry for her choosing to live behind it
- I don't want to be with the woman behind the wall

I think I'm better off returning to Last Resort Techniques. I was pondering dropping them for a while and trying the other DB stuff, but, no.

If I were to violate the rule of do not initiate any relationship discussions, I would ask her what she meant exactly in her crying voicemail response to the Anniversary Note last weekend: "I'm calling to say thank you for the note. It meant a lot to me to receive it. Today of all days."

But I'm not going to yet.