Hmm, I would realy apreciate some input from anyone outside my sitch right now.
So my H works away (charter plane ) on average one week and then gets one week off. He flies into the big smoke a few hours away from us and drives back. Over the last 12 months he has got in the habit of staying with the boys he works with before driving back. Sometimes this is valid, he works crazy hours and so needs to rest. Sometimes he had a party, usually boys sitting round drinking at one of the blokes place, which at first I didn't mind as it was one here and there but then in became every week. Towards the last worst of his party phase, it was happening at both the start and end of the week for a day or so.
I knew he needed to blow off some steam so to begin with said no worries. When it started to become a habit I said not acceptable, got mad etc, which of course had the opposite effect. I then found this site and started not to comment. Giving a bit of space seemed to help. He moved out of the party phase to a large extent in the last couple of months, but stayed crashing on a mate and his girlfriends couch at the start and end of each break. I know this sounds like someone else is involved, but I think he realy needs space right now, especially when we have two active toddlers in our house.
So when he had his week of last time he played family man real well. He left a day early but had a heavy duty dentist appointment the next day. He held my toddler on his lap and promised him he would be back on Thursday morning when the toddler woke up, several times.
H called me last night and and asked if I had any plans for this break as he wanted to check with me before making plans. I said not specifically, but I had several things I needed to do over the week. He said he had been invited to a party for one of his workmates who is leaving to go overseas on the Thursday night. I reminded him of his promise to our toddler, which he had completely forgot. Old H would never forget in a million years, it was a lightbulb for me as to how much this man has changed.
H also said we would need to talk about when I would be moving out of the house this break. Before we decided to formally split, I had said I would clear out of the house for a few breaks so he could spend time with his kids. H thinks we would like 50% custody and it would be easy to look after the kids all break. I was going to give him a taste of what looking after two toddlers for a week was really like, although he is good at all the aspects, he has not done 24/7 for that length of time himself.
I really feel at a lost for what to do here. He still wants out, and I feel like I really need to set boundaries for me and my at this stage, and I would like to say a whole lot more but know there is no point. After this conversation I called him back (I ALWAYS let him call me now), he missed my call but called me back leaving three voice messages within the hour which I missed, very unlike him. I was going to blast him so didnt leave him a message and waited to call down. I will be saying given me moving out was while we were still trying to see if M would work, no reason for me to move out now.
I am going to see a lawyer tomorrow to get a clear picture of what my settlement entitlements might be. That will help me decide my options. I have not yet played hardball with H, as I like to come from a percieved weak point for necogiations, he has forgotten completly I am anything but a SAHM and that suits me right now until I get my financial and custody plan sorted and signed.
But I just don't know how to play it with him in the interim. LRT has helped chill things out, but I am sure he sees this is what it will be like being split up, wifey treats me real nice, doesn't mind what I do etc, he says he would live round the corner so he could drop araound to pick up shoes that got left behind while he has the kids etc. I reckon he probably thinks I will keep inviting him to dinner and look after him when he is sick!!
Comments and ideas, please? I am pretty down about this right now. Oh yeah, give it to me straight, might take a bit for me to sink in but no candy coating required.
