Today my supervisor and I went over a few things before I took off for my job training. He explained to me that my company really looked in on its employees personal development. I got a suggestion on a few books for managing people effectively and communication skills. He even suggested taking a free stress relief seminar at the local mental health center, that he did it and it was very informative. I told him that it was ironic that I was doing a lot for my own personal growth and health and a lot of the reason is to be able to focus to the best of my ability on my career. I didn't get into my W situation or the BIL death but I know he knows about the BIL. It's funny I think growth toward my career could also benefit me in my R with my W or with whoever I end up in the future. I look forward to going out of town for job training and have plans to go to a couple of neat places in the city I am going to. One of my favorite bands is playing during my trip so I will be going to that. I know that they will kick complete @#$#@ I have not initiated conversation with my W in 11 days and plan to go on as long as my trip is (10 days). I don't know if I will wait for her to initiate. I only will if my db coach thinks it is a good idea. I plan to talk to her maybe on of my off days during the trip. I have had a lot easier time detatching and thinking about what I want for myself. I talked to my sister last night and she said she was proud of me for the way I have handled this sitch. She said 'since your wife and SIL are twins the probably both don't know what they want and couldn't be convinced otherwise by anyone. They are in a wishy-washy confused state but time could very well heal this wound between you and W. You also seem to understand that you can't control her actions.' That was some great support right there! She also mentioned that a few of her friends thought I was attractive. That was really nice to hear. I couldn't possibly do anything about that right now nor am I sure I could even in the future but it was nice to hear. I know I certainly won't cheat on my W no matter what my W does. The idea actually makes me feel kind of icky. I am sure a lot of you have been through that. Strange for a guy especially. I do not think that a young M (or young R for that matter) like ours should just peter out and die like this but I am prepared for it too and doing better with fear. It really does feel good to face fear but it is so easy to want to avoid facing fear.
I have not initiated conversation with my W in 11 days and plan to go on as long as my trip is (10 days). I don't know if I will wait for her to initiate. I only will if my db coach thinks it is a good idea. I plan to talk to her maybe on of my off days during the trip. I have had a lot easier time detatching and thinking about what I want for myself. I talked to my sister last night and she said she was proud of me for the way I have handled this sitch. She said 'since your wife and SIL are twins the probably both don't know what they want and couldn't be convinced otherwise by anyone. They are in a wishy-washy confused state but time could very well heal this wound between you and W. You also seem to understand that you can't control her actions.' That was some great support right there! She also mentioned that a few of her friends thought I was attractive. That was really nice to hear. I couldn't possibly do anything about that right now nor am I sure I could even in the future but it was nice to hear. I know I certainly won't cheat on my W no matter what my W does. The idea actually makes me feel kind of icky. I am sure a lot of you have been through that. Strange for a guy especially. I do not think that a young M (or young R for that matter) like ours should just peter out and die like this but I am prepared for it too and doing better with fear. It really does feel good to face fear but it is so easy to want to avoid facing fear.