Marriage issues

[Jman]

I wanted to share my story...I am a 35 y/o married man that has been married for 10 years. I have 2 children son7, daughter 3. I found out in the middle of March that my wife had been emotionally detached from me since February but did not tell me anything until the middle of March when I sat her down one night to find out what is going on with our relationship. She told me that she had been sending signals to me and because of the way I had been acting to her and friends the emotional detachment happened I sat and listened to her patiently as she spoke about everything she was feeling and when she was done I offered my sincere apologies for the way I had treated her, I told her that she did not deserve it and that I was willing and going to change because I did not like the person I had become. So as weeks had gone by she was being very mean and cold to me, saying things like she is not attracted to me anymore, to things like we rushed into our marriage, having children...I could just sit there in disbelief and listen to her I did not argue, contradict or anything...I just let her vent....Then the next week her family got into town and we all went to the beach and as I just happened to go into the car I noticed my wifes work Blackberry going off and when I picked it up to bring it to her It was actually an Instant Message from her male coworker and I noticed that in the conversation with him she had said she luv him and called him an affectionate name that I cannot remember at this point...So I handed her the phone and I asked her if she is cheating on me and she said NO...She said that she told me that she is emotionally detached so ...I was mortified..it was like my guts had been taken out of me, Did I deserve this after everything I had done for her and my family? So from that point on I noticed it more and more how she would hide her Blackberry when she would be using it like laying it in her private area, under her leg, under the covers on the couch all of this to try to keep it hidden from me...I mean just totally trying to hide it from me but doing a piss poor job doing it...She still to this day says that she has not had an EA or PA affair with this guy..Here is the story with this guy, he broke up with his live in girlfriend of 10 years right around the same time me and my wife started to have problems...She hardly ever used her cell phone and since February her calls have gone up exponentially to his cell phone and his house..BUT hey nothing is going on she said that he is just a friend and the message I read I took out of context....Now the calls have decreased alot but it is still going on and I was able to access her Facebook to see that something did happen one night when she said she was going out with her friends and I have a copy of that..Now to bring it up to speed today...She wanted some time to herself to think things over so she went to her familys place yesterday which is out of state and we go every year for the 4th...so I will have to drive myself, 3 children and a dog 700 miles away or 12 hours...I would rather do that then send her away with the kids like that so really no complaints on that...I have doing things for myself but it is so hard, everyone tells me not to give up either..we have been seeing a MC but I don't think it’s helping much, it seems like it is the counselor and my wife against me each time, I do alot of talking and my wife just says that she does not know what she wants to do...I guess that's better than her deciding to divorce? It is a big mess I told her in counseling that I trust her about the phone calls if what she said is true but I really don't think that is the case.Maybe she does not know what an emotional affair is and the fact that she is in one It would not surprise me BUT she should know the difference between wrong and right when it comes to talking to another man when you are married...Unfortunately we had lost GOD in our lives for about a year and a half now and when I decided to change things for myself I asked the Lord to come back into my heart and life...But it is so hard right now, I look at my children and wonder what will happen in the future? I can just cry when I think about the failures I have caused in my marriage...She still lives at home she wears her rings, sleeps in the same bed, she gives me kisses before she goes to work and I get a night night kiss too, she undresses in front of me...all of these are improvements since March..I am continuing to DB but it still seems like things are moving so slowly now..