I changed back to my maiden name 1 cuz my XH & I were only M &actually living together for 10 months, before he left. His name is just not me .... it was cursed for me. Strange as it sounds, it's just not ME.
Yep, things are ok for me, no complaints
XH came over last Sunday for a few hours. We drank, ate, chatted & watched a movie before he left. Then he asked if he could come over next Sunday (today). We didn't chat at all during the week, so I left him a message asking what his plans were for today. He called me back & it seems he will be coming over for a bit today. So we will sea all is calm for me!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hiya Julia, We did end up having a nice time. Surprise, I was 1st on his list today! When chatting he said he had many things he "could" do today & I asked him what he wanted to do & that was to come by for a visit. We again had a martini & then took the dogs for a walk by the lake, like he suggested. It was very nice & relaxing. We came back to my house & had a bite to eat. Then we packed up a few of his things to take. A couple of hugs & kisses & he was gone.
Last week I invited him to ride bikes down to the lakefront for the 4th of July fireworks (which is on the 3rd here & an hour long). He accepted. We used to do this all the time when we were together. Always it's a fun evening!!!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Kenn, I guess it's just a woman thing - LOL!! That is the ultimate detachment isn't it, Michelle?
You don't mean that I'm perfect, right Michelle? Cuz, I ain't by a long shot! Your statement kinda got me thinking. My XH will struggle through work issues, will struggle through hobby issues (like when he was in a band), but M issues - no - stop, drop& roll away from them. Maybe it just goes back to what we are taught & what we really want to fight for. And of course what is inside our "comfort" zone to fight for. No one likes being outside of their comfort zone.
On Thursday eve, I called my XH to see if we were still on for 3rd of July fireworks. No answer, so I left a message. Friday midday he sends me an email saying yes & about what time he will be over. I get the email kinda late, but reply back. Then at 5 or so he calls me, again to tell me he'll be over at 7.
He gets here, we have a drink, chat, grill out & he gets our bikes ready for the night ride. The bike ride was nice, we weave through the crowd to get a nice spot up close. While waiting for the fireworks, we lean back on our small blanket & relax, just before I sit back up I put my head on his chest for a few seconds. I think that kinda made him uncomfortable. Ooopps. We sat up, & had our drinks & watched the fireworks together like old, sentimental times, when we were friends. It was so nice & the fireworks were fantastic! I did think about last year & going to the fireworks without him, kinda sad & certainly not as enjoyable. When the fireworks were finished, we weaved through the parking lot with our bikes instead of staying on the street where everyone was walking, like we usually do. I then took us a new way trying to avoid the crowds walking & get us to the bike path. I forgot one little thing, how to get to the bike path from this new way!! We ended up dragging our bikes up a hill to get to it - LOL And who fell?? Me! Luckily, I didn't roll down the hill. Well, we made it all in good fun & beat the crowd to the bike path. I had asked my XH if he wanted to stay over earlier in the eve. He said he wanted to mow the lawn early in the morning, so no. Ok, then. Before he left we gave each other a nice hug goodbye, a short kiss & thanked each other for the nice evening. He then said he would call me today, after finishing the lawn & joked that I probably wouldn't be up yet!
Strange, strange, life surely isn't what we expect sometimes!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I know none of us are perfect, but it is so funny that you guys spend all this time together after the D, hug and kiss, chat, etc. I wonder what goes through their heads about the D sometimes. It seems like it would be hard to have all that fun and not wonder if the D was a mistake. *shrugs* I would, but then I'm not the WAS lol.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yep, I totally agree. Who the hell knows what goes through the WAS head - crazy!!!
For my XH, it seems, much of it was financially or his debt driven (not wanting me to be responsible for his debt). I think it's more he didn't know how to turn around, walk back & work on our M. Much easier to start a new R (well so to speak). Not even saying we have a new R, because many of his walls are still up & I can only get so close. But, I'm ok with that & not bashing my head into a brick wall anymore! I think it knocked some sort of sense into me though ..... maybe .....
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I think the new-found friendship with your XH is really wonderful....I like it that he shows an eagerness to contact you and spend time with you. I think you are great example for all of us, exactly what the DB principles are all about!!!!
I am so happy for you.....I don't know how to do happy faces...I am sending you one though!!!!
Perhaps with time your XH will tear down the brick walls and become more vulnerable to good opportunities with you again.
I still say that time and patience and treating them well is what has brought them back towards us in the first place. I can't imagine not being kind to him. I don't like his choice, it's not mine, it's his and he is still a human being who I love. It's that simple for me....
Your XH sounds like a wonderful man. Treating him kindly will take you far.
Your holiday sounded wonderful, I am happy for you and XH. Continue to DB, seems like the way to go....
(((((HUGS)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
