I'm not sure why, but I couldn't post in my original thread.
My best friend since my freshman year in high school called me this morning to let me know she passed away at 2:30 this morning. She had fought a good fight against hepatitis c, but it took her life today. I feel awful for him, and it makes my problems seem small compared to his at the moment.
Took my parents and kids to The City Folk Festival to see fireworks last night. D ended up getting sick and had to leave early, and missed the fireworks. This was the type of event we did as a family, and I was hurting on the inside knowing if and when I get a D there will be more and more sits like that one. We stopped for dinner on the way home and it took everything I had not let it show how much I was hurting.
W went out with her friends last night, and didn't come home until after midnight. This doesn't seem to bother her at all. She acts like everything in her life is just great, while I feel like mine is falling apart.
Told W about friends mom this morning, and she could tell I was hurting. She gave me a long hug and she started to cry which made me cry. That was the first time she has even touched me in almost a month.
I have to admit it felt so good to hug my W, I didn't want to let her go, but I did.
Sometimes I just wish this would just be over and done with. I need to start with the healing process. Not sure I have the patience to wait this out for months, and definitely not years. Praying for the strength to make the right decesion.
RIP Steph
Last edited by whereami; 07/04/0903:14 PM.
me 34 W 37 three kids 9 13 17 married 14 years together 15 well the bomb has been dropped a few times most recent was early June
Hi whereami I am sorry for your friend. I will pray for all of you. I know what you mean about being alone with the kids. My W has been going out with friends a lot lately, leaving me with the boys (3 and 5). We have done things that we used to do as a family, too and it hurts bad. Same thing with my W. She is happy, comes home all smiling and all. Tonight for the 4th, she is going to a party, and me and the boys are going to my parents' like always. It will be a rough evening. I also identify with you about moving on. I love my W with every fiber of my being. But sometimes I wish it would just end so I can go on and hopefully find a loving relationship again. The pain is constant. But I have to endure it until I am 100% sure there is no way we will reconcile and have a happy M again. My prayers are with you.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I'm not sure why, but I couldn't post in my original thread.
The mods locked your thread. It's normal.
I'm sorry for your loss buddy.
That's a positive exchange that your wife initiated. Good.
Perhaps it would be best to write down a few short term goals. It will give you something to work toward and take your mind off of the big picture. It may help you to stay in the here and now. This is a long bumpy road, the only way out is through it, one step at a time.
The thread locking is a mysterious thing. I see some threads get enormous, while most only go for about 100 posts. I believe in the thread locking fairy.
Staying home with the kids was never a problem for me. It was the feeling I got that my W thought of me as just a babysitter and she was putting her partying tramp like as a higher priority than a family life that irked me.
That's exactly the way my W is treating me. I'm afraid that if and when we get a D she will be trying to dump the kids off on who ever will take them. She doesn't want the kids to know what she's up to. There is no way she can be a responsible single parent the way she is acting right now.
Like you Kerry, I enjoy my time with the kid's. If there is one good thing that has already come out of this mess is that the kids and I have become closer.
Trapt, I want to look at it as a positve step, but I don't want to get my hopes up.
W just text me wanting to know why I was forcing the kid's to go with my parents. She also said that our 13S doesn't have to go if he chooses not to. I have not responded to her yet because I don't want to fight with her today. I'm actually at work right now, not by choice the owner asked me to come in for a little while.
me 34 W 37 three kids 9 13 17 married 14 years together 15 well the bomb has been dropped a few times most recent was early June
You will continue to grow closer to your kids. That is one of the bright spots in this blackhole.
I used to get p*ssed at my ex for dumping the kids too. Now I take them whenever I can get them. They NEED you the stable one like never before. I have them more than half of the time.
One day, they will regret that they have missed out on the most important thing in life....children.
I don't know about you....but I NEVER want to be in that position.
I work almost double the amount of hours as my W, and spend more time with kids then W does. It's not even close when comparing the amount I spend with them compared to W.
Like you trapt, I will take them any chance I get.
My W wasn't always like this. She has too many bad influences giving her bad advice or encouraging her bahavior. She used to be an awesome mom.
What has happened to our wives? I'm really starting to think my W is having a MLC.
Now she keeps calling my cell phone. I know she is going to argue with me about sending the kids to my parents.
It's sad that we are sitting her on DB.com on the 4th of July.
Last edited by whereami; 07/04/0905:37 PM.
me 34 W 37 three kids 9 13 17 married 14 years together 15 well the bomb has been dropped a few times most recent was early June
Well I'm sitting here while my kids are taking a nap. I want them to be able to stay up tonight.
It is sad, whether it's personal issues, a crisis, or just plain poor choices and character. We must be better.....
Do not get sucked into an arguement. If she gets nasty, simply say it is not ok for you to treat me this way, call me back when you calm down and hang up. No going back and forth, it simply fuels the fire.
I'm headed to the lake as soon as the kids wake up, but hey there could always be a worse place to be in.
Keep your head up man. Whenever I was faced with the really bad stuff, I always tried to remind myself that the big man upstairs thinks I am stronger than this. Growing pains if you will.
trapt, I hope you had a good time with your kids. I ended up going to a festival with my parents and my kids. That was the first and last time I will go to The City Folk Festival. Way too many people for my taste....although I did enjoy the live bands.
I know that most of you will probably be dissapointed in me, but W asked me to pay her cell phone bill. I told her I would but I needed the password on the account, which she gave me. I did snoop, and found out she has been texting a lot with her new friend who is a lesbian. I mean a lot of texting...probably 50 plus a day late into the night. EWWWWWWWW.
I didn't confront her with this info either. That is a 180 for me. I'm not sure I will either. It makes me sick to think my W would do something like this.
I wanted to fight for my marriage, I'm not too sure now. I hope my gut is wrong.
I have been reading DR and taking lots of notes. It's easier for me to keep all that info if I write it down. I'm really torn right now on which direction I'm going to head.
If W told me today that she is done playing around and want to work on our M. I'm all in and would do what is necessary to make it work. I'm just not sure I can sit here and wait while she runs around doing as she pleases.
I know I can't control W, and I really have no desire to try to. I know aswell as everyone, that she is blowing it, and making poor choices that she will regret in time.
I guess I will keep trying and hope that sooner, not later, she will get her head out of her arse.
me 34 W 37 three kids 9 13 17 married 14 years together 15 well the bomb has been dropped a few times most recent was early June
I, too, found an innapropriate number of text messages on my w's bill. All to a certain male " friend". 1500 of them in 1 month! I havnt confronted her either, but I think it's more me trying to protect myself. I don't want to know what's going on. I have days where I want to give up, but o in this for the long haul.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
