Hi sh- Do you know why the orge and your H broke up? I wonder if it could be that she was pressuring him about divorcing you so he could marry her. Not sure if it matters. I guess it is pointless to say that your H hasn't been willing to do the work it takes to be in a real relationship. Hopefully being alone will make your H take a long look at himself and why he is where he is. That being said, you know that there are no guarantees that he will be willing to do the work.
I understand the fear of being used. I feel my H has in a way been using me to keep from always being alone...plus he wants to keep me around just in case he decides he wants to come back. It sucks. I know you want your H back on your terms however IMO ephiphanies just don't happen very often to someone in MLC. I think it is more of a slow building process. So you have to decide if you still have more patience left in you and what you can handle in terms of a relationship with your H. If you can handle continuing on like you have been and want to give things more time, then you should. If you are emotionally draining yourself (which I can totally understand) then you need to let go more...maybe completely.
Are you afraid of the work ahead? I doubt that...look at how hard you have worked to keep standing. I think it makes more sense that you are afraid of rejection. If you detach more and try to forget that your H is no longer with the orge, it might help.
