Start of the end..

[iwantittowork]

Today has been a significant day for me, so I am writing this down to keep it in perspective.

Today I took a small stand for myself, and it went somewhat well.

For the last couple of days, I have been trying to focus on what I want in the process of the upcoming D, including what I am willing to pay for, in child care, cars, bills, etc, and had been writing it down in preparation to approach my W on it.

I had, however, been in fear of doing so, and how my W would react. Well, the L I had gone to see, sent a bill to my house, and the W picked up the mail and saw it. This morning she brought it up, and asked if I had hired a lawyer and started to attack me on everything financial that would be coming up. I told her I needed a few moments, and for her to finish up and get dressed then we would discuss it.

I took this chance, even though I was not truly ready, to go into what I wanted for this, and what I would be willing to do. Laying out what the L told me financially where we are at, and what my obligations would be. I then laid out to her what my needs for this D are, and she has agreed in principal to 90% of what I am asking to do. I was not bitter, nor angry, but explained why I was thinking this way.

Along the way, we discussed some of our R as well, and where we were. Interestingly, at one point she even asked what would things be like if we tried to reconcile. I did not go to far down that road, as we had already discussed a ton of stuff this morning, and said we have a lot to think about, so lets just take some time to do so.

We then actually hugged, and had a quick kiss on the lips, then went our own way.

I am putting this down, not because I think we can reconcile, but that I feel good for myself, standing up for what I wanted, and I feel I have a bit of respect back for myself.