One key reason why these marriages dissolve is that a strong concept of self-identity needs to develop in someone before being matched well with someone with whom they can spend the rest of their lives.
I agree with this to a certain point, but I believe it has less to do with calendar age other than as a by-product. The problem is that regardless of actual age, one's mental age is more critical.
Don't forget that in olden days (as when our great grandparents were young) people were quite often getting hitched in their teens, but successful marriages were just as likely. I believe the fact that people were less coddled and had to grow up faster was a key factor -- people matured mentally more quickly, and thus they were more established in their character sooner than today's so-called adults. Plus, there was less of this arrogant sense of entitlement our modern culture promotes.
We have adults today who refuse to mature mentally, but then our culture actually encourages that thinking. (I have a "kid" brother who will turn 40 next year who I think will never really grow up.)
So, I think whenever you have two people secure in their own individuality and have established their adult characters, regardless of their actual ages, you have the foundations for a sustained relationship. It's just as I have told others, you each have to bring a whole person into a marriage, not half of a person, or else it won't work.
(Now why couldn't I follow my own advice when it came to my now xW?!?)
Quote:
Apparently, I have a special, unique capacity to love, beyond reason. If that is a flaw, then I'll take it. It makes me more vulnerable, but I'd rather risk it than not feel deeply at all.
