Ok...so I woke up to his text msg this morning. He has been texting and calling me almost every day since he left. I thought he said he needed space. I thought he doesn't want to worry about anyone. I txt msg him back to say that I have everything under control. I wish he would just leave me alone and work on himself. Its so easy to worry and try to change me! I know he is concerned as I start my new job, but really, I will manage. I find myself angry and just wanting him to go away. He is away, I know, but its like he is just present enough.
The more I think on it this morning, the more I am realizing nothing is changing. He is continuing on being my "helper" or "father" or whatever god awful thing he wants to call it. He is worried just like he would worry about any friend. UM...but, I have never seen him worry about anyone like this before. Whatever.
Its such a game. I will not get sucked into his warped world. I will do my best to aleviate his concerns about me at work, so we can end this shallow checking up on me business.
And otherwise continue to be evasive...Its like I want him to call or text, but not like this.....like my H....not like this, to make himself feel like he is really there for me. We both know he is NOT! Its frustrating. But, I will not react to his behaviour. I will not be swayed from my goals by his actions. I am my own entity and I have my own life I have to live!
