AAk, I can understand the spin that H puts you in....it can and will drive you insane! I don't have that much hope for a new M these days....so I get that feeling as well. Remember, the reality has not changed much. Its the same. I do agree that it makes things more difficult and complicated to have kids in the pic. Of course you love them to death....but how to take care of you in the midst of your kids and husband constantly being there.
When I started this process, I was envious of all of you with kids. At least you have a connection and you are not alone all the time. I knew it was messed up when I was thinking it, but its the truth. I still wish I had kids, but I am being given so many challenges right now, that I just am trying to hold on. I think its the "grass is greener" thing and you want to have another place to psychologically place the burden.....even if for just a second. I think you are doing amazing. I don't even have my H around anywhere near me and I am still having days where I really just struggle.
I think this is the most difficult part for most of us. And I don't think there is anything you can say to him about the M or your R that will make any difference. I have just stopped talking to my H about the R - at all. Of course he's 6 states North of me- so it makes it easier! But, if he starts to talk...just listen. NO Talking. Listen. Validate. Listen.
Don't tell him it was hard for you. Tell him nothing. If he says that you are showing that you don't care (my H has said that), I'd stay calm...don't react....and say, "I do care for you." If he says you are being selfish or this is proof that you don't care, say "Yes, I can see how it seem that way". Don't try to make it better. Don't try to make it better.
He has done this....let him deal. Someone on this board once told me to say or text or email half the words he does. It works!
You've got the idea though. Take care of you...look hot! feel sexy! Be evasive and mysterious! GAL! in short, BE YOU! and ENJOY IT!
