I thought I would drop by your thread as it seems like there are some similarities in our situations. My h has been gone for 21 months now and is currently living with ow. I pursued him for 6 months until he finally turned round and said enough, and then I found DBing. Since then I have backed off and he turned round in March and said that he wanted to be friends. Since then we have made lots of baby steps.
I guess the key struggle I find is how far to go and when to push and pull back and let him come to me. I guess I have really let him set the pace and it is working.
Reviewing your goals in context I agree with Sandi. I would change them slightly as you are trying to guide him and it would be much better for him to make the decisions himself.
Be the woman only a fool would leave (as 25yearsmlc) says. It can only help your h situation and will improve your confidence 10 fold. I would say that hugging him each time he arrives and leaves may be too much. I would hug him occasionally so he gets a taste of what he is missing and I would stick to keeping these to times when you have had a really positive interaction or something good has happened.
Again with initiating conversation, could you explain a typical interaction with him and we may be able to come up with some suggestions. I sometimes initiate but I find that if I don't h usually chats for England! When we first meet there is always initial awkwardness but if you are calm and friendly and smile (most important!) this will dissipate.
With regards to your telling him about your illness and asking him for help... guys love to problem solve. It gives them a feeling of achievement and satisfaction. I would just tell him about your hospital visit and don't make suggestions about how he could help you. Let him come up with them organically. I did this recently with my own situation. We are selling our house and h had to come up to collect his stuff. I took the pressure off and he saw how much I had to shift - he is now hiring a moving van and moving all my stuff for me on the 12th July. Six months ago we were barely speaking!
It takes so much patience.
You want to sow seeds of doubt in your h's mind that this isn't the right path. Focus on your 180s - what are these? You could make your goal something like 'h will spend increased time with us' and then weave some ideas in there that will go towards achieving that. Just a suggestion, please feel free to disregard. What you have been doing has been working; can you identify what those things were?
