As sick as it sounds, I am envious that you don't have kids in the middle of this...I love my kids more than anything but honestly, it is just prolonged agony having them on this ride with us.
I have said similar things to H. But, really, I don't think it sinks in. He will use anything as evidence that we can't work. When we have a good time together, it is habit/bad, after that he feels bad, when I am doing well and GAL that is proof that I don't really love him, when I am sad and vulnerable it is too much pressure, when I tell him to give me space because he has stated clearly that he wants this separation, that is me being weird, when I handle him talking about women without weeping it is proof I don't care, when I describe how tormented I was in the beginning he winces and tells me that makes him sad and to stop...
So that is what I meant earlier about "unhealthy." If I wont die without him, I must not have really loved him.
Is this separation just another test? Another trap? I mean throughout our M in the last few years I felt I was being tested. To pass his test, I would have to be independent and self-sufficient but available when and if he needs me and know when to do what. F*ck it. I'm wearing myself out again.
All I really have is me. And, more and more I think Gucci is right. The only thing that has gotten H's attention has been looking good, feeling good and being evasive and GAL...how that will parlay into a new M is a mystery and highly unlikely to happen IMO.
