Sorry to hear about your sitch and glad that you found this site. It can be and was a beacon of light during these difficult times. It continues to be so for me.
For your sitch, take a deep breath, ever suffering. You need to slow down. I am still fairly new to this and I am sure more experienced DBers will jump in soon.
But, first you need to DETACH. That means litterally YOU need to stop contacting her and YOU need to stop being so available. It may sound impossible, but read thru blogs, and you will see people do accomplish this.
And most importantly, please search within you to figure out if YOU want to still be in this relationship. I think anything is possible, but you have to figure out if you can put in the effort for your M even though she wants to date. You have that control! Sounds like she is going to dating with or without your permission. Are you willing to sign the Separation papers as is? There are a lot of people here who are dealing with A...maybe read some of their blogs to get some ideas on how they cope - if you decide you want to work on your M.
I know its emotionally tearing you apart, but it is so important to portray to her otherwise and just act "As If". Somehow showing them that you care overtly seems to put them off more. I can only speak from my own experience. But it is really true. It totally stops them in their tracks when you stop trying to get their attention and connect with them.
To work on your M right now - for your situation really means letting go of her and concentrating on yourself. I remember when someone told me this the first time, I felt like they were crazy. After all, my spouse left, not me. But, what I mean is that it is an immense opportunity for you to grow and become more in tune with who you are and what YOU really want and in the meantime give her the time to get to that point. It will take her longer.....of that I can assure you! Its a long road ahead.
I wish you luck as you begin your journey. I am sure you will find that many people on this blog will support you on a daily , sometimes hourly, basis and give you some very sound advice.
