I think I am just exhibiting my lack of discipline here and finding ways to put the focus back on the R.

I have such a hard time accepting that the right thing to do is to let go...that I can love him and give up trying to control the sitch...

But, the only thing that will keep me sane is to start focusing on myself.

I am going out tonight and I feel guilty...something to look at (I didn't go out enough with him etc)...

I am looking forward to counseling. I have to work on my issues and accept that it will be a healthy R or no R for me...that sanity comes first.