WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Sandi,

Wow! Thank you so much for taking the time to be vulnerable and sharing such a personal experience with me. That was very powerful and really touched me.

I look back over the past few years and can see how my wife had been trying to tell me that we were stuck in a rut and it was boring. I didn't see it back then, but I see it now. I wasn't bored as my job used to take me all over the world (Europe, Asia) for a week every couple of months. So I wasn't bored, but I completely forgot to take what my wife had been going through. Even the other nite, when she was "rehasing the past" she talked about how she would just want to go to the grocery store by herself so she could listen to her music in the car (vs the kids music all the time). I didn't get it then, but I see it now. I think she sees that I see it differently now.

Then he pursued me with his words of love and his smothering affection. I would not respond to that b/c it turned me off.....BIG TIME. Finally, my H detached. I thought he'd just given up and left me alone.

I have been trying some of the words of love during some of our chats (sometimes just little terms of endearment, i.e. calling her hun; to flat out telling her that I love her). I would touch her on her arm or shoulder when we are together for a family thing, trying not to be sexual, but just an affection type of touch. I would always look at her in her eyes when she/we talk and stay engaged (mentally and emotionally) in the conversation. Not sure if this is what you talked about that you didn't respond to.

It's confusing for me as when I do get into these relationship talks, she always winds up crying to the point where she can't talk. I am pretty sure she is sad that we are on this divorce path, even though it is her that is keeping us there.

I am trying to detach without become the cold jerk that I was the first 4-5 weeks after she moved out.

Thanks for dropping in and checking up on me again.

Take care and stay healthy!