Hi Mindblank! saw your post on Storm Riders thread so just been catching up with you here.
Like that your trying to get your H to take the lead. I`ve gotta consciously do that. One of his big problems is making decisions and yet he feels he is living everyone else`s lives.
Read too that you bought The Power of a Praying Wife in Borders and coincidentally Im heading to Borders today and I`m taking my sitch to a more spiritual place so I`m going to pick that up.
Love that you`re having such fun with your girlfriends. That-and people coming to the house-keep me going through all of this. Looks like you`re going to have a great 4th party! Will be thinking of you all from the other end of the pond tomorrow!
SMW - I'm on it... going back to my goals, as well. They need to be rewritten. I have learned a few things after spending some time reading other people's sitch's. I think I'll join you on the Proverbs, as well.
Happy 4th!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
OK, guys, help keep me accountable. I have some new, achievable goals.
#1 - To attract some kind of interest from H.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENT - Limit my initiation of contact w/H (while he is away working during the week) to required contact re: children.
#2 - To enjoy a non-kid event together.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENT - Make sure I don't have any kind of "meltdowns" in his presence anymore. Smile. Enjoy. Be someone H wants to be around, w/ and w/out kids.
#3 - To have a physical presence I'm proud of.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENT - STOP relaxing the weight loss/exercise efforts!
#4 - To allow my H to LEAD, and not PUSH from my end.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENT - Let H make decisions. Ask him for advice. If I sense he's not comfortable w/something we're doing/deciding on, step back and allow him to have a voice.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
OK. I'm beat, and headed to sleep. Update on goals for Day 1.
The only time I contacted H was because I had to... The guy that drops our boat lift in the water was here and needed to know exactly where it needed to be. We changed the pier configuration this year, so I didn't have the answer. I called, asked his opinion of the boat lift placement, and got off the phone quick. (I'm so very busy!)
I took the boys out wakeboaring behind the waverunner tonight. Hilarious! We've done it before, but it was so fun, since it us so much more work than behind out tower boat. I am counting this as exercise, as my thighs are killing me. The water was choppy and I had to stand up a lot.
So, all in all, ok day.
Closing thought. There is the element of a game plan or play book mentality in all of this, but my feeling is that is backing off, releasing the pursuit, helps H clear his head, and be able to breathe again, then that can only be helpful. And, if I am now asking H's opinion on thibgs, instead of forcing mine on him, then that is good for me overall, as well. Who likes a controlling/pushing friend, spouse, colleague? So, these actions may be part of a plan, but they are necessary for overall improvement. We can all use that!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Closing thought. There is the element of a game plan or play book mentality in all of this, but my feeling is that is backing off, releasing the pursuit, helps H clear his head, and be able to breathe again, then that can only be helpful. And, if I am now asking H's opinion on thibgs, instead of forcing mine on him, then that is good for me overall, as well. Who likes a controlling/pushing friend, spouse, colleague? So, these actions may be part of a plan, but they are necessary for overall improvement. We can all use that!
Great goals, just with number 4, be aware of the difference between seeking his opinion on the choice, and allowing him to make the choice himself . I was stuffing up here. I would go to my H with a problem and a couple of possible solutions. My communication style is to use these for a debate, come up with the best option or a third option after debate and move on.
His process is to look at them, shutup and think, select B and thats it, all done. By me debating it he then saw it as invalidating his choice.
Have you noticed how your H comes to conclusions ?
Storm: I see your point... I'm tweaking my approach as I go, as I feel "fake," almost forcing the "SO, what do YOU think? What do YOU want?" Even to the point of "acting as if" I don't have the full story/options/possibilities just so he thinks he's making a decision. Definitely tweaking to be done.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
