First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Hopeful, thanks for the post. It really helped and hit home. I saved it so that I can read it over again.

Today hasn't been to great. Got into a small spat with wife. I work a swing shift and today was my normal day off. I got up, woke up the kids so that they could go with me to our religious activities. We are very active in our religion. My wife stopped being involved in our religion when she decided to end our marriage. Anyway, my wife woke up and told me that she took the day off today so that she could take the kids out on an outing. I had no idea that she was taking the day off and had plans with the kids. She never said a thing about it all week. I told her that I already got the kids up and had made plans also. Had she said something I would have made other plans. She tried to flip the script on me and complained that I didn't tell her that I was taking the kids anywhere today either. But I was only doing what I always do. On my off days the kids and I usually do things together. Normally, she would be at work and she didn't tell me that she was taking the day off and wanted to do something with the kids. She then implied that I was ruining her plans.

I told her that I would bring the kids back in about two hours. She said to bring them back in an hour. I brought them back in about an hour and a half. When I got back she wasn't home. I rushed back for nothing. I called her and told her that we were home. She said that it was too late to do what she had planned to do and that she would be home in a few hours. When she got home I asked her where she had gone. (I'm a little upset with myself for asking as I know that it is a form of pursuing) She had gone to get her hair done and went shopping. She then took the kids to the mall and I went to the gym.

I worked off a little frustration but it has still been very hard. It is really hard and really lonely being in a marriage like this. I'm married and single at the same time. Married and single but with none of the pleasures of either. Sometimes I feel that things would be better for me if she did just leave. But I know that I just gotta stay strong and stay the course.