Gucci, If you are reading this, I need your help. I've kept your post to me about my situation and refer to it alot when I am down. I do not want to take your advice about filing for divorce for a very specific reason. I have paid for everything in this relationship from bailing his checking account out due to him overdrawing it to gamble prior to us getting engaged, paying for his visa to come to the US to marry me, to supporting and buying him every little gadget and tool he has. I refuse to spend another dime on this man. He needs a divorce from me in order to get his permanent residency in November. If I pay for the divorce it is one less thing he has to work for. I believe he should pay for his right to live the single life he wants as well as for his residency rights. He will be deported otherwise. He either has to be married and in a relationship with me or divorced from me to get his citizenship. I am not refusing to divorce him as punishment. I am refusing because I do not wish to spend any more of my hard earned money that belongs to me and my family on someone who is selfish and does not have my best interests at heart.
I have not contacted him at all since I sent him the apology letter. I have not heard anything other that a request to let him add me to his friend list on MSN. I do post on my blog about my GAL activities sporadically and I do believe that he checks it as a link to it is from an old post that I deleted that references changing and someone (isn't him) posting that maybe he isn't able to change in the responses.
I am working through the crap, but still find myself wanting the good times back. I do however get so very angry remembering the things that got me to the point of where I was at the end of our relationship. Then I get even more angry when I think of the lies and betrayal I've had to deal with. I know I don't want my husband as he is or was back. I want the fantasy and the promised husband. *sigh*
Give a chic a break and 2x4 me. I know I deserve better. I know that there is so much that he would have to do for me to ever trust and take him back. I don't believe he is capable so why can't I just let this go? Is it codependency?? Someone clue me in!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
