WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

So, how should I respond to "afraid to be vulnerable at the risk of getting hurt again?"

The very same way you responded to the "history route". Look, she has been over and over this same old thing and she will continue to do it as long as you put up with her yacking. Stop her and tell her that everything in life has a "risk factor" and that nobody gets off scott free. We all take chances of getting hurt if we are going to have "people" in our life. It sounds as if she's wanting to pull you into a further conversation of persuading her to go back to you. It's an old female ploy with men. Don't know how to explain it to a DAM.....

Sandi,

I actually tried this route in the convesation last nite so your post was VERY well timed.

I did get into a little conversation to persuade her to go back to me. I told her that I loved her and wanted her not because she was the mother of our kids, but because she is the woman I love. That's when she started to cry. I told her I loved, honored and cherished her the best that I knew how in the past, but see how there is so much more that I would do know that I am approaching life differently and my priorities have really changed (before it was all about the job and money and providing things for the family). She did acknowledge how she see's how I've changed relative to things like that.

I'm not sure if it helped or not, but she did call this morning asking if I need stuff from the store. VERY ODD.....

Don't really want to get into the "whys" of you not being completely open and honest with her regarding your job offer, but I would say that if you've been this way about things in the past.....that is a habit you need to break. It causes "trust" issues in a R. You may not have seen what you said....or "how" you said it as being a lie....but it wasn't completely "right" either b/c you withheld all the truth as it was. You are S in the M, so you did not have to tell her everything at this time, but be careful in the future about how you word things, okay?

I didn't tell her about the offer as I hadn't officially gotten one yet. I did let her know that they seemed very interested and I thought the position was intersting, but didn't get much further than that before it turned into a relationship discussion.

You are right though, in the past I had "held back the entire truth" a few times, partly to protect her and the other part to avoid looking like I didn't have the answer (an issue I have, fear of failure).

Thanks for stopping bye with your club again.

I hope you enjoy the holiday weekend.