We just past the 8.5 week "anniversay" of where she moved out and approaching 6 months since she filed for divorce and 3 weeks since they elminated my position at work so I lost my job.
I do have a "second" on-site interview scheduled for a job next Thurs that is 185 miles away. The recruiter thinks that they will likely make an offer (he discussed the "unoffical" offer terms) on Thursday.
Had a really crappy conversation with my wife on Weds nite, after a really good family dinner thing. It got into a relationship talk that lasted about an hour. She started going on about the "connection" that a husband and wife should have that we don't. I went down the route of the connection doesn't just happen, it needs to be worked on.
She tried the history of hurt route but I stopped her with the I appologized for that already and have learned from it.
Then she went into how she's too afraid to be vulnerable at the risk of getting hurt again to try and create the connection.
So it went full circle again on the relationship conversation.
Yesterday, was my first one on one day with my 3 year old as the 7 year old had a camp field trip. It was a great day and we really had a blast. Very good father-son bonding time.
My wife did call me early in the morning as the nite before I asked if she could find the hiring manager of a job that was posted in her company. She found the info for me and said she could forward my resume and cover letter for me.
Then she sent me some tactical stuff and then some funny stuff and finally something complaining about how much work she had to do. Still alot of contact from someone who said that she doesn't want to spend time with me as she doesn't want to give me false hope as she has given up finding a reason to change her mind and doesn't want to be my wife anymore.
Last nite she sent me a text in distress about some stuff not related to our situation. I called her as she sounded really upset in her text.
She vented about her problem (related to her dentist stuff). Then we got into some light conversation where we were just joking back and forth. Then I mentioned that a movie that our kids wanted to see was showing at a local theatre that we enjoy taking the kids to. She then got all upset saying that she was planning on taking them on Sunday and got mad that I was "cheating" her out of that opportunity. She said that the kids already always want to be with me and don't want to be with her because she doesn't have as much chance to do fun stuff with them. I stopped her by saying that I didn't bring it up to get into an argument and the time with the kids is not a competition. This was a movie that I wanted to see as much as the kids and had mentioned it to see if she wanted to come if we went.
She then started saying that she didn't want to do things with me and the kids as she doesn't want to give us false hope. I stopped her right then and there and said that we already talked about that yesterday and it seems like we are constantly repeating the same conversation and not getting anywhere. I told her that I know she feels that she can't be vulnerable with me as she's afraid of getting hurt again. I then said that relationships with people involve risks. It's as much of a risk for me if she does want to try again as I don't want to be hurt again either. But I told her that I feel it is worth the risk. I can't make her try to think of a reason to try nor be willing to take the risk. That is her decision.
She was crying again as we got into the whole trying discussion.
I ended the call as she was just crying and not saying anything.
I was very surprise to get a call from her this morning where she said she was going to the store and asked if I needed anything. I maintained a very positive and upbeat attitude and told her a couple of things that was on my shopping list. She said that she would pick them up for me and drop them off this weekend.
I then reminded how she still "owed" me her special homemade potato salad that she promised to make for Father's day weekend but hadn't gotten to . She said she remembers and said she owes me brownies as well. It was just general light/fun bantering about it.
Then I told her that if she was going to pick up those things for me at the store, can she see if there were any "hugs" that she could get for me. She laughed and said that she didn't think there were greeters at that store. I told her that I guess I won't ask for that other "special" something that I was looking for. She just laughed.
She then called me a couple of times afterwards just about general tactical stuff.
She's suppose to head out to a picnic at one of her girlfriend's house today. I'm spending the day with my 2 boys (the 3 year old is taking a nap right now and my 7 year olds just finished playing video games).
I still really miss her but I know that I will be ok where ever our situation leads us. I do put my faith in God as my aunt has reminded me that God never gives us any burdens that he knows that we can't handle. I just have to continue to believe
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
