Hey there... since we horned in on Sooner's thread, I thought I'd bring a piece of the note you dropped me there over to here so we can discuss on your thread.
Quote: But, Corrie, what happens when the HD turns herself inside out suggesting ideas, trying to help, being available and upbeat. I never criticize, am happy to listen to his work woes and give him a safe place to vent. I make sure I tell him I love him, kiss/hug him every morning before and after work. I've wracked my brain. What else can I possible do or say or offer? We have a C appt on Wednesday, but what happens if the C suggests the same sensual turn-on ideas I have?
This HD is at her wit's end. My self-esteem is in the toilet. I feel worthless and undesireable. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I honestly feel my only lot in the M is as household drudge and source of income, although I'm sure that's not true.
Have you tried backing off completely? Maybe because you came from an abusive marriage before, you are trying too hard to make this one work and be happy... instead of letting it develop into the relationship that was meant to be?
I don't mean that as a criticism, but I think that sometimes LDers feel overwhelmed by their HD spouses because the HD wants to 'fix' the problem. Now. I don't blame the sentiment in the least, but the sentiment almost becomes a double-edged sword because the LD interprets that as 'pressure.'
Was your H married before you? If so, what was his previous marriage like? If not, maybe your H doesn't know how to handle the type of love you are giving to him. If he is an independent sort, you could be doing too much for him. He could feel resentment towards you, but buries that deep inside of himself because he loves you so much. Does that make any sense?
I think the statement I made about the HDers needing to be understanding too was in error... at least in the context that I said it. That was a blanket statement that was really only intended about my H, and I apologize for it.
So, tell me more about him. What's his life been like while you were stuck in that awful first marriage of yours.
