I'll be getting D1 tomorrow. I look forward to taking her somewhere for the 4th. Then I'll be heading to a friend's house afterward for cooking and social gathering and such.

This morning I've been Mr. Nostalgia again. W is continuing her A unabated, her family is pretty much enabling it because she doesn't want to stop and continues coming up with all kinds of reasons to 'justify' it by painting me as a terrible person.

I wrote a email to her brother discussing my thoughts on everything... then I deleted it. I just don't see any hope for my M at this point, and quite frankly it doesn't make much sense for me to worry about it in the middle of a legal situation.

I just don't know... as I stated yesterday loving her makes no sense at this point and self-preservation and rational decision making dictates that I gain custody of D1 and end the M legally and have any future reconciliation on my terms.

W seems stuck in the same narrow range of bpd coping mechanisms, soundbytes, etc. and it is almost like she is reading off a cue card.

When asked why she didn't want to go to counseling, etc. she said "because I don't think he'll change."

What can I say to that? I've proven her wrong every step of the way. I've been doing everything for my two boys and taking care of everything needed with D1 when I have her.

She is content to drag everyone down with her... and I'm not going to follow the same pattern and become like her, blaming her for everything.

I am starting to recognize that I don't want a relationship right now. I want to get to a place where my children are taken care of first and foremost, and then worry about relationships after that.

I just want to be a good father.

Trial: 9:21:56:30

"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."