Sandi - once again - thanks for your brutal honesty! Turning the exposure issue around to myself is pretty effective way of getting the point accross.

A couple of background points realted to 'exposure' in my sitch are that my MIL/SIL/BIL as well as my S17 all new *something* was going on. S17 saw how she was sneaking around to talk on her phone and was asking lots of questions. MIL/SIL thought her 'friendship' with this OM was wrong before I did - she had invited him to some events. My MIL/SIL pleaded with me to get in the middle of that R and not let it continue, but I thought they were overreacting. Therefore, by the time I actually had my own suspicions and confirmed it I also let MIL/SIL know I had proof. They, as well as I, already knew it was happening so the way I was looking at it it wasn't doing any more harm, and they were very supportive and I reached out to them when I was in a crisis really. Thinking now with a cool head I shouldn't have said anything until W had a chcance to respond at least.

Now, that said, I didn't need to tell a couple of her close friends as well, who had no idea about what was going on with us. That truly backfired since it made her reach out to a couple more friends whom she never would have told that are not friends to the M neccessarily (her divorced friend for example).

Also, obviously the resentment she built up was the other downside as you point out.

As far as pressure from others, I talked to the ILs about 2 months ago about this and they agreed to drop the issue for now, although my MIL had a relapse recently and laid into her, but all in all they have left her alone.

As far as sleeping in the other room - the arguments are around *why* she is there, not the fact that she IS there. The reason *why* in my mind is because she is continuing her EA which makes me angry, but I am letting go to some extent now as you can see.

It turns out that she is back in our room now for 2 nights in a row. I haven't said a word about it and am just observing at this point.

More later...gotta run.

ME/XW:47
S21, D19, S15, S14
M:21 T:26
W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12
W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline