If you are not being given information about his plans (which you are not, at least in this case), you get to make your own. Do it b/c you have the right to make plans (as opposed to punishing H) and both you and your S get to enjoy life. Not wait around for his sorry a$$.
You can have compassion for your H as far as him being in a "bad place" right now, but that doesn't mean he gets to treat you badly. When he does, excuse yourself and let him know you won't talk with him (let alone agrue) when he's yelling. He's a big boy, he can control it if he chooses.
I am going to look into IC for me. Unfortunately I have to choose from my insurance's website cause I know no one and I've asked around but people seem to either know counselors for children or counselors they didn't like.
Just be careful about selecting one. DR or DB (maybe both) has a good section on interviewing potential counselors. You should review that. Don't get me wrong, I am a proponent of C'ing, but bad C may be worse than none at all.
I appreciate all the responses. Sadly, my sister's dog died last night. I have 2 dogs and would have to take them with me and I don't know if her kids can handle it so I'm going to hold off going.
GIMA - I did read about finding a counselor in DR. I've been in IC in the past just not in this area. My last counselor (8 years ago) was wonderful but is about 20 hours away. I actually found her by picking a place out of the phone book (nice, huh?).
I hate to say this but I'm thinking more and more that perhaps H and I do need to live apart. It'll hurt us financially but I can't be his emotional dumping ground for much longer. I think he's headed in that direction anyway so I will probably hold off bringing it up until he does. I knew BIL's death would either be a wake up call for H or push him further away and it's quite obvious he's fleeing.
Last edited by Ashlee; 07/02/0907:26 PM.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I hate to say this but I'm thinking more and more that perhaps H and I do need to live apart. It'll hurt us financially but I can't be his emotional dumping ground for much longer. I think he's headed in that direction anyway so I will probably hold off bringing it up until he does. I knew BIL's death would either be a wake up call for H or push him further away and it's quite obvious he's fleeing.
Tough call. But, if it were me, and my W was saying and doing things harmful to the kids, it's a no brainer. I do not envy you, but you sound like you are doing the best you can with what you have been dealt.
Hang in there. We are all going to come out of these unfortunate situations ok.
I hate to say this but I'm thinking more and more that perhaps H and I do need to live apart. It'll hurt us financially but I can't be his emotional dumping ground for much longer. I think he's headed in that direction anyway so I will probably hold off bringing it up until he does. I knew BIL's death would either be a wake up call for H or push him further away and it's quite obvious he's fleeing.
Ash, I am confident that you will make the right decision for your son and you at the right time in the right manner.
You sound like a much different person than you were just 2+weeks ago when you first posted. You can do it. You are doing it.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
S and I are heading out to my sister's after all. S arrived home last night with my parents.
H went to his parent's house yesterday. I received several text messages on how awkward it was (did not respond). One call I did not pick up but the second one I did (I know, VERY bad). H talked about coming home last night, of course he didn't. H said his family asked about S coming up there today. I indicated I would have to drop S off as I would not stay (wasn't asked to anyway). But H says he doesn't know how long he's staying so I said S will be coming with me. The way H talked, it wasn't like HE wanted S there. It upsets me that my parents drove S 11 hours to come home to be here for BIL's funeral and H can't even be here or come home to see S. I know H doesn't want to face my parents. It is now apparent to me that yesterday's blow out had more to do with the fact of what I said was the truth than not. H wanted to believe he was going to spend time with his family (in part, true) but he was really avoiding my parents.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Sounds like you are handling it well. But, let go of what H thinks/feels. Those are HIS issues. I would love to get any response from my W. At least I would then be affecting HER.
