The Gooch is here Alive.. Thanks for inviting me over....
Just a couple of thoughts on some of the recent happenings... (you started on the CORRECT path)
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LOL. He's here. Just said I've been acting weird this week. I said "Actually, it is just sane and I feel great."
See? He quickly picked up on the "let go" attitude. He quickly tested your resolve. "Weird" meant that he suspects a change in attitude. (this is what you WANT him to think)
Your best answer would have been... "Oh really, I didn't think so. I just have been busy and have a lot on my mind." (then dropped it and started the "well, I don't have time to chat" routine and told him you "had to _______(fill in the busy blank)
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Then, I said I needed to run out and do some things if he is going to be here...he asked me if I was back in therapy? Nope...LOL
Not bad Alive.. You see? You women know all about this stuff. You are just out of practice. He fell right into place when you put some mystery into the equation (see how easy us men are?) and stopped this "hangin in there see how much I have changed attitude. (he NEEDS to see the "I am perfectly fine the way I am attitude and if you don't like or want that, there are plenty of men who do) (you don't SAY that to him, but SHOW him that with your being busy and non apologetic attitude about being busy. It is an ATTITUDE...
So.. You started out great.....BUT THEN...
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Well, I flinched already. H was so offended by my "attitude" that he said he could "be an a**hole too." And I got scared.
Your answer: YES, I agree with you there "dear" You SURE can be an "ahole" too.... (said with a tad bit of truth and a tad bid of joking attitude, followed by changing the subject) IT is "banter".... Banter causes atttraction. Banter with him. Stand up to his comments and hit him ack with your own. (he deserves it when done with the correct "attitude"
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I clarified that the only thing I'm doing is taking care of myself and my kids. I told him he's just setting me up as the a**hole for setting boundaries.
From the above quote on... YEP you blew it.. Back to square one... Don't talk about "setting boundaries"
Boundaries are set by ACTION. "This is what I have decided or this is what I AM doing"... Talking to him about how you are setting boundaries with him is useless and a waste of time and actually makes the WS feel that you are weak. What they RESPOND to is ACTION.....
That is it... Just wanted to give you MY feedback. You started in the right direction, but blew it and now it puts you back to square one. You failed the test that he gave you.
