Treese, Painless? Oh, he's thinking of himself and not anyone else. He wants everything to be neat and tidy and wrapped up nicely with a big bow on top. Separation and divorce are painful to everyone except the mlcer. What he's saying is that he wants to cut the ties and have everything done in a very civil manner and no tears or upsets by anyone. He thinks that you can be friends after this is over with. Maybe you can and maybe you can't. I wouldn't even waste by breath trying to discuss what is painless and what isn't. He's not going to listen to you because his mind is made up. What you can do is ensure that you and your family are taken care of and make sure that your lawyer is on top of things.
Let me try to explain what "friend" means to the mlcer. Friend means having a relationship w/the ex spouse, whereby nothing has changed, i.e., come and go, borrow things, walk in the house, etc. It means that they have the same relationship they had in marriage, but with no responsibility. That is what a friend is to the mlcer. To us, being a friend is far, far different...
Life isn't fair and yes, we do have other disruptions that always come into play when planning weddings, graduations, etc., but we have to learn to focus on the good and the happy times and realize that these disruptions are a blip on the radar screen. If I were you, I would get the best attorney in town and let him deal w/this situation. You have other things that need your attention right now. If your h wants a divorce, then let him do the work and negotiate w/your attorney.
Lonely? You are only as lonely as you want to be. You are still young, have a good head on your shoulders and will be just fine once the dust settles. As for your h, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes in the years to come. He's got a lot to face at some point in time.
Now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and look to today and continue planning the wedding w/your daughter. You've got a lot to do and time doesn't stand still, in fact, it will go very quickly when planning weddings.
