I am getting worn out with this

[mvgolfer]

hi jeff,
I like your name, actually, it seems like most folks here have pretty good or clever names. I just wanted to be able to log in, so I just kept trying until the system accepted.

I was thinking on my way home yesterday how wiped out I am now after 2 months of crazyness. I thought about how I feel like I am both physically and emotionally drained, that maybe at this point, I have nothing left to invest or lose. So not feeling anything about what is going on might be possible, since I don't think I can feel anything right now.

I hope this weekend goes well, too. I never know how H will react to anything I say or do, since he is very...inconsistent or reactionary, etc. to almost anything. Very unlike his 'old self'. He flipped out last week, when he came home and saw that I had set up (we had our floors refinished last fall and moved all the furniture from the rooms into a 1st floor room until we could move it all back in - but have yet to do so...we have a lot of half-finished project around our house)a 'spare' bed in one of the bedrooms, so if either he or I wanted to, sleep there. Wow. I wasn't home when he got here so I could explain why I did that. However he was so very angry and thought I was, as he said: 'kicking him to the curb'. Not the case, but why would he think that(or care) and why would he be so upset? At that exact point, he went on line to look for houses (that took dogs) that he could rent. Found out last night the house he wanted has been rented out already...so he is indeed looking. I think he will follow through. So I am trying not to care, or think or give too much of myself or my emotions into what he does. Like everyone here says, 'it is what it is'.

I am trying to make my own plans, but not in a mean kind of way, just for me. Over many years of marriage, grad school, etc., etc., we had made friends with and then lost touch with many people. For H, he already had all these single friends,he recently met through Mike.(evil neighbor ha) But for me, I mostly made plans with our couple friends, or people from work. It's hard to expect or call upon friends who have typical married lives to ask them to go out at night, etc. That is the toughest time of day - from about 5 PM to 5 AM. Sometimes I wish I could sleep all the way through that time, just to escape.

I stopped by 'Golf Galaxy' yesterday and tried out about 4 different kinds of clubs. I didn't want to spend too much $$, so that limted things. Probably good. I have been playing with a set of used men's irons for about 4 years. I like them, but they are a little heavy. They golf guy, after watching me, reccomended a set of men's (I tried women's clubs too, but they always feel so short..I'm not tall, 5/7, but they just feel wierd to me)graphite. He said I will have to adjst my swing a little, since it looks like (in the simulator) that I will be pulling left now. I plan to go the range today to check them out on real grass. The best thing is, they came with 3,4,5 hybrids. Very exciting. Adams Golf, by the way..not the oversized..blades basically.

Hope you get out and play this weekend!

marsh