Jumping in (1st post)

[Gardener]

So, today is one month since I had my first telephone coaching session after finding this site two days prior. An appropriate time for some random reflection on What I've Learned, What I've Done, Where I am.

What I've Learned
I can do 180s
I can (begin to) GAL
A lot about WASs
My wife didn't leave me. She left a bad situation.
My wife anguished over her decision more than I'll ever know and for longer than I could ever guess.
My wife's pain of staying came to outweigh her pain of leaving
My wife is confused, still in pain and doesn't know what to do.
The 48-Hour rule re: implementing (usually half-assed) ideas.
Indecision/waffling = "No." "Don't."
I "get" DBing. And I can Help and support others in same.
I can detach. And detach lovingly.
"As iffing" - true "As-iffing", per Michelle, works.
That my wife's total lack of any movement or follow-through since D Bomb 5/13 means...something.
I don't have to be understanding, sympathetic, or helpful in any effort to end this marriage (thank you, Greek).
I do not have to be an active participant in any of same (thank you, stillloveshim)
"I will not resist. But neither will I assist" (thank you, me).
And so much, much more.

What I Have Done
I don't pursue/answer all calls/return them right away/let my wife end interactions first, etc.
Read my wife's words her actions far, far less. Almost not at all.
Honestly don't care what my wife thinks of my (lovingly detached) words or actions.
Actually begun improving me for me alone.
Got my wife to ask to spend time with me. Twice.
Got my wife to agree to postpone for one month any and all talk of Mediator, D, process.
Let go of the outcome in all interaction with my wife.
Resumed old, lapsed hobbies, reached out to old, semi-lapsed friendships, joined a club, went away for a weekend by myself, climbed a mountain.
Sent my wife an appropriate anniversary card with a short, from-deep-in-my-heart note that touched her and evoked the first real emotion she's expressed to me in months.
Stopped inhabiting/perpetuating my Victim Mentality
Stopped discussing sitch with others ("So - how are you?" "Better and better, thanks."
Stopped referring to my wife on this board as W, WAW, She, Her (She and Her okay only after initial reference as my Wife). She is my Wife. She is my Friend.
Begun letting go of the past.
And so much, much more.

Where I Am
In a far better place than before.

Not bad for one month. I'll take it.

Thank you to all you good, kind, hurting, struggling, enduring, persevering, selfless, generous DBers out there.