I am staying quiet because I dont have much to say and because honestly I am a bit annoyed with some things on this board so I try to stay away not to post mean things to anybody . On newcomers -and less on some other forums- there is this huge "those WASs are low moral a$$hol$s and bla bla bla and we LBS are the innocent, lovely, perfect, honorable dedicated spouses proven because we now "stand for our M" crusade that I dislike. It's getting out of hand IMO.
I've been there and know the frustration and pain, I felt the same things. I just dont like seeing people being so overly competitive and mean to their WASs, judging with no hesitation, proclaiming their high values and morals and how dedicated parents they are and how rotten their WASs are... Where is the "you can only control yourself principle" or for Chistians the first stone should be thrown by the perfect one (dont know how you say that in English)? I wonder how on earth do they expect to hide these feelings when interacting with their wives/men and why on earth do they want them back anyway if they are creeps/sluts etc?
On this same board there are some well respected women, that were LBSs. So, they were sluts then but role models for dedicated wives now? How does that work?
I dont get it. I also dont get this "dont you dare date after your W/H is long gone 18-25 months already and he is sleeping with someone, had a child, remarried, hasnt contacted you for ages and clearly hates your guts and ...., because YOU NEED to follow the honorable way and sacred scripts that say your life must end after a divorce and you need to be miserable and lonely and, and, and until the Holy Spirit gives you the green light... because otherwise it will only be a rebound R". Ok, so? We are all grown ups and if anything got thru to us after what has happened, then we SHOULD be thoughtfull of other's feelings and AWARE of our own. If not, where did all the introspective work go? What is this "stay alone" crusade? We are humans. And people are also passion and feelings and lust and rush and pleasure and affection. And before someone else says this is what WASs do, I have to repeat that I am not convinced WASs are of low morals by definition. Some of them of course they are, a lot actually on here, but some are just humans with insecurities and LBS's helped if not led them to the decisions they are making. Weak, yes!!!! Low morals? Not all of them because they choose to end a marriage. It happens. For many reasons. How can you judge someone for insisting to divorce if they feel their love is gone. We KNOW that love needs nurture, if both partners failed to do that, then love may be dead. Yes they could look back and try to bring it alive, choosing NOT to, doesnt mean they are low lifes, it could mean they are weak, dont like hard work, are fed up, avoidant..., human.
And if an already divorced, seperated LBS wants to date, then THAT alone should indicate something about their feelings towards their WAS. I know, in my case, I knew my feelings were dying... You dont need to have a nobel prize in science to figure that out...
I believe in God, I value my family, I respect myself and parents, I adore my kids, I dont take things lightly BUT, enough is enough. The honorable thing is not only to wait until your spouse wakes up -if he ever wakes up-, the honorable thing IMO is to live your life well because it is a gift and KNOW when to pack up and leave. That's honorable. To recognise when things are over and stop living on a wishing mode...
What I have learned here is there is no one size that fits all solution, each person has its own timeline and those that "know" everything, are usually the ones that are left with nothing and are talking with bitterness and anger.
Chill out people. We all have made mistakes. Those of us here, are trying to save our Ms as a last heroic action, which does not erase our mistakes of the past, if it works, fine, if it doesnt, we have to live with that possibility also. Practice the serenity prayer. Peace. M
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