Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[AliSuddenly]

Hey kids! Thanks for sticking with me, I cant post so much these days and I have spent lots of hours online looking for a job, a nightmare in this climate, its taken me a MONTH to find one. I finally got a decent job though, to set up an electronic office system for a national charity at their Cornwall division, seems they still do everything by paper at the moment (amazing!! How did they manage that in this day and age?).

Rob, thats a good point, he was never open about Helen, he hid he worked with her. I was honest about having some fears about the 22 year old and he sweetly (and shouldnt have) offered to NOT carshare with her if I preferred, I said of course not! that wasnt the solution, we just need to be open with one another...

Dawn, I do read along, but maybe you should post a shorter summary to ask for advice on certain things that people may be able to help with? I think you are doing great though!!

Hey Kat and Julia and hi Lisa, yes it was lovely chatting with you too! So we had some more convos about the MIL. BF thinks she is fragile.. he wants desperately to talk to her, even about herself (as he says she is alienating people by being so self involved and negative and attention seeking).. so he IS self aware about her and their dynamic too (her being jealous of me and leaning on him too much ect).. BUT, she's his Mum and his Dad has already died.. so I can see its all a bit tricky. Shes a nightmare, but she can be very sweet and of course he loves her, so so far, he keeps AVOIDING confronting her, but does want to at least.

As my BFF said though, is he not aware of HIS boundaries? He is becoming more so and we talked about that, what he can do to make changes to his R with her, to be more adult, as she is unlikely to change.

So last night he was very huggy and kissy with me, wanting lots of attention (!) and I braved a few comments, but he just sighs and pulls this sad face and kisses my face, but.. says NOTHING. Or just that he feels so bad.. I'm soo sorry, but oh I feel so sh*t now..he even put his arm across his forehead!!! So I teased him, well stop feeling so sorry for yourself, stop being such a drama queen, its not all about YOU you know, what about me!?? And he laughed at that and then gave me lots of kisses, but I still didnt get anything sensible out of him, other than he had wished he had been at my birtday and when I said I had missed him and we didnt speak for 3 months, he just said.. well we're together now, we speak all the time now! As though that just makes it all alright. Which I suppose it does, largely.

Theres still so much unsaid, theres an 18 month sized whole in our R, but I see signs of improvement all the time. Like last night, he let slip, very excitedly that he had got me a special present and couldnt wait to give it to me, but it was a surprise.. we then talked about LL (I explained it briefly) and how mine was gift giving and he said, thats mine too !! But I wasnt so sure, I said he was Acts of service and he really liked that and agreed wholeheartedly. But he was totally happy to discuss LL's ! Cool hey?

So.. I still dont quite now how to get him to understand I need more than "I'm sorry".. when he says it now, I calmly state, yes, I know that... Or, do I give up waiting/hoping/expecting and as Cyrena once said, wait another year and he will open up naturally about the past!?