Thanks, Sandi. So good to hear from you. Actually, I don't think my H has "taking advantage of my feelings" in his dna. His response is usually to do a turtle for a couple of days and then reach out. I consider myself lucky for that.
Wouldn't you know it, I am back in control. Everything is fine and dandy until next month. I only took one dose of the new meds.
Ah well. Off to visit with family. I will stop by some time. I have some friends to check up on and then I will stop by.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
Dang it, I have never been good with names even in real life. Sorry Greek!!!!
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Sandi, only needed the one because with the start of the actual flow the crazy week is over. Sure could have used them sooner. It is actually just a generic form of zanax. (Not sure if I spelled it right.)
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
My h was gone all weekend for the wedding of a former student employee of his. He called me only once over the weekend and I was good and didn't call him. He did send me some text messages for when he arrived and returned home. I appreciated him letting me know so I wouldn't worry.
Saturday I spent some time in quiet time, reflecting and reading back into my journal since last year. I did some assessment on myself and discovered that I am just not as detached as I would like to be. Did more journaling and examining of my own values, reviewing and updating my goals.
By detaching as I have, its actually given me more room in my head to check myself. I think I need to detach more because I still find myself checking for a reaction after every interaction. Despite the fact that I am obviously hormonal, I am too easily spun by something my H says or does. No matter how much growing I've done, I see I still need more growth - For Myself.
I kept busy with all my family in from out of town. And I discovered when my sister says family picnic I should definitely not plan on a cozy little family get together.
Picture <---------------extended family--------------> and anyone we've known, gone to high school with, ever baby sat for us as kids, plus all their kids and grand-kids. Also picture way more food than even this crowd could eat, everyone talking at once, but lots of fun. Later into the evening we even had a dj (family member) for karaoke.
It was lots of fun and I was tired but happy afterward. Yesterday (Sunday) some of the family & friends got together to jam for about seven hours. So many of the family are musical, With all the babies I don't get to see on a regular basis & lots of music it was great. Even managed to go fishing after church in the morning, so it was a full day.
In the evening my Mom and I babysat for my S & BIL so they could go out and have a real adult dinner that lasted longer than 30 minutes. They were astounded that my Nephew was asleep when they came home, as he hadn't gone to sleep before 11 every night since they arrived. (Auntie has the touch!)
About 8 I had a text from H to let me know he was home. I responded I was glad he made it back safe. Nothing else, no ILY, no welcome back.
This morning I spent time getting my budget firmed up. Now that the unemployment checks are all I have coming in, I needed to feel secure that everything was covered. Also made a list of upcoming maintenance items that I anticipate with the house. I feel so much better knowing I've got those figured out.
Busy day ahead today. Errands to run, library books due, shopping, then later more babysitting.
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Sorry, but no time to check in with anyone. I will try to tonight.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I had a couple of days of no contact with H. He was doing whatever he was doing and I was spending time with family. My little niece & nephew have been obligingly adorable and I have had the fortune of babysitting the little sweeties twice now. I have to say that with 2 my Mom & I have tag-teamed. I just don't know how my sister does it by herself.
Today I had a text asking me to meet h for dinner tomorrow. I asked what he had in mind and he said he was winging it. I responded you are the man, you decide. : )
He always said I had to control things, so now I'm not. That part of detaching I got.
Even had a rough patch earlier, but I made it through. I ran into someone we graduated from high school with. He called me over with my maiden name. I told him my married last name and he asked how my H was. (of course) I told him he was good and still working at the college. Did not say we were separated.
I hate when you are all calm and in control and a sucker punch comes out of nowhere like that. Just wasn't ready for it today. But, as I said I got through it.
I am going to a three-day job search workshop. Today was day one. Very interesting stuff so far.
Now I am going to head over to my mom's. My nephew (the grown up one) is going to have a campfire and I am bringing the supplies for smores.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I see you had an issue w/controlling just like me. It's odd now, though, trying not to be. I feel like I'm being fake. Asking him all the time his opinion, what he would like to eat, what he would like to do, etc... There has to be a happy medium!
Love the bonfire! My D18 has them all the time, and now S12 is pulling up the rear with his buddies, as well. Good clean fun.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The really funny thing is when I do the "you decide" or "what do you want to do" he actually gets frustrated sometimes that he has to make decisions. I just smile serenely.
I wouldn't do anything that feels fake. You can offer two different choices and have him decide. As in, I was thinking of having either tacos or chinese food for dinner - which would you prefer?
Ok. I really have to get off and load up some wood to contribute to the bonfire. I will check back later if I don't get in too late.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
