LOL. He's here. Just said I've been acting weird this week. I said "Actually, it is just sane and I feel great."
Then, I said I needed to run out and do some things if he is going to be here...he asked me if I was back in therapy? Nope...LOL
I am going to need to figure out how to change the rules around here (he still hangs out and lingers); his office is here so it is hard to draw a firm boundary. Especially with the kids here, the boundaries get blurred.
Well, I flinched already. H was so offended by my "attitude" that he said he could "be an a**hole too." And I got scared.
I clarified that the only thing I'm doing is taking care of myself and my kids. I told him he's just setting me up as the a**hole for setting boundaries.
Then it digressed or progressed depending on perspective into a convo about R and how he feels that he is getting pay back. I told him that with so much at stake and two kids in the middle wouldn't it make sense to try to work the hard feelings out so we can be in the present? He was pretty clear that there is another woman but he knows it may not be what it seems.
We talked about maybe seeing someone to try to work through this stuff and get to the truth.
I don't know. It seemed fairly productive but maybe not.
The only thing I regret is giving him my time and stroking his ego.
But, I guess I should be glad there is forward motion. Either we are going to work on R or we will be filing something. He can't handle me moving on so he will have to make a choice. He doesn't want to be shut out of here and brought up filing something as soon as I made my boundaries clear so it will be one or the other very soon.
There's your kick in the head. You're right that he lured you right in to the "oh look at me...I'm a victim" mode. He needs the drama and attention. He felt like he was getting it from everyone else except from you, so he had to go after you.
"He was pretty clear that there is another woman but he knows it may not be what it seems. "
Oh please! There is another woman...PERIOD! There are no reasons or excuses. If he wants to stick his d*ck in someone else and goes telling you - HIS WIFE - that it may not be serious, then he's got alot of growing up to you. This isn't high school. When you play around before marriage, that's one thing. During marriage, then you're playing in God's playground. Heard it's hot in hell this time of year. He better bring the sunblock.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
There's your kick in the head. You're right that he lured you right in to the "oh look at me...I'm a victim" mode. He needs the drama and attention. He felt like he was getting it from everyone else except from you, so he had to go after you.
"He was pretty clear that there is another woman but he knows it may not be what it seems. "
Oh please! There is another woman...PERIOD! There are no reasons or excuses. If he wants to stick his d*ck in someone else and goes telling you - HIS WIFE - that it may not be serious, then he's got alot of growing up to you. This isn't high school. When you play around before marriage, that's one thing. During marriage, then you're playing in God's playground. Heard it's hot in hell this time of year. He better bring the sunblock.
Awesome post. I especially appreciate the profanity (and I'm not kidding).
AAK. I haven't checked in in awhile. OMG! A couple of questions..(Sorry for typos - on my phone and I can't see as well!)
#1 - was this man ever a good dad? #e - how is he with the kids now? Natural? Disneyland dad? #3 - has he admitted to being intimate with someone else? #4 - CA MUST have decent alimony/support laws. Have you done the homework? Tou are WAY too smart and good to be sttaying with this chaos because of money, and I can't believe his (lving in friends mansionsay lifestyle can last for long...
You are just plain too good for this f'n chump! You have yound boys that need a dad AND mom, and I can bet you're just adorable... You will move on and love, live and enjoy again. I'm not a fan of the H. He sounds like my D18 and friends. Selfish, arrogant,f'n egocentric. God! He's a H and Father! Maybe he needs a new career.
Sorry, but you are way too good.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
AAK. I haven't checked in in awhile. OMG! A couple of questions..(Sorry for typos - on my phone and I can't see as well!)
#1 - was this man ever a good dad? #e - how is he with the kids now? Natural? Disneyland dad? #3 - has he admitted to being intimate with someone else? #4 - CA MUST have decent alimony/support laws. Have you done the homework? Tou are WAY too smart and good to be sttaying with this chaos because of money, and I can't believe his (lving in friends mansionsay lifestyle can last for long...
You are just plain too good for this f'n chump! You have yound boys that need a dad AND mom, and I can bet you're just adorable... You will move on and love, live and enjoy again. I'm not a fan of the H. He sounds like my D18 and friends. Selfish, arrogant,f'n egocentric. God! He's a H and Father! Maybe he needs a new career.
Sorry, but you are way too good.
Thanks MB.
1. & 2. yes, he was a good dad and he still is by most standards. He has a tendency to be a little antagonistic and provocative with them but overall he loves them and gives them a lot of attention.
3. Yes. I think what gets me is that many years ago, he left and cheated and then he basically ended up telling on himself and once the truth came out, we got back together and we were in not so effective therapy for a long time. I can't help but feel he is telling on himself again for a reason.
4. Funny you mentioned that because I just realized that I am really scared of all of the upheaval. I know that we cannot afford two households.
I am too good for this. I just came so close to texting him. "Forget it. I deserve better than this. I'm moving on."
Like everyone else, I want him to see how he is screwing everything up here. He is so attentive to me still. He listens and I think I fear once I cease to influence him he will really go off the deep end (like an 18 year old)...problem is the kids are right smack in the middle.
