WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[sandi2]

So, how should I respond to "afraid to be vulnerable at the risk of getting hurt again?"

The very same way you responded to the "history route". Look, she has been over and over this same old thing and she will continue to do it as long as you put up with her yacking. Stop her and tell her that everything in life has a "risk factor" and that nobody gets off scott free. We all take chances of getting hurt if we are going to have "people" in our life. It sounds as if she's wanting to pull you into a further conversation of persuading her to go back to you. It's an old female ploy with men. Don't know how to explain it to a DAM.....

I had just interviewed for (I didn't tell her I got an offer

Don't really want to get into the "whys" of you not being completely open and honest with her regarding your job offer, but I would say that if you've been this way about things in the past.....that is a habit you need to break. It causes "trust" issues in a R. You may not have seen what you said....or "how" you said it as being a lie....but it wasn't completely "right" either b/c you withheld all the truth as it was. You are S in the M, so you did not have to tell her everything at this time, but be careful in the future about how you word things, okay?

That's when it wound up full circle into the relationship discussion.

Yep, it will happen every time b/c she is going to play this same old song each time she can pull you into the R talk. Just refuse to go there with her. When she starts this same old routine....stop her right then and there. Tell her you are not going to discuss it b/c it does not solve anything and does not appear to change anything by dragging it up over and over again. If you have to interrupt her and just tell her you are saying good-bye now......do it. May sound a little rude, but she needs to be broken from this behavior.

I really don't want to give up on her. I definititely don't want to give up on the kids either. I know many people will say it's not the quantity of time you spend with the kids, but it's the quality. Plenty of kids are growing up seeing their dad every other weekend. I know that they will survive, but is that really the best......

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE? YOU ARE TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT MOVING AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN WILL BE OKAY! IT ISN'T! THE JOB IS NOT WORTH YOUR FAMILY.

You are so concerned about a "job" until you are putting it before your very own family. Don't do it. You will regret it. How can you "give up" on your boys? You are trying to make yourself believ they will survive and be fine. Survive? But how well will they survive? Survive does not sound good to me. The truth is that they will grow up separated from the full time influence of their father, and will probably have a step-dad to take your place in their life. Is that what you want to happen?