WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

I know you feel that a lot of time has gone by and you may be worried that it is too late, but I don't think it is or she would be packing her things. Things can turn around in a matter of a few days.......

I know it is a marathon, not a sprint, but an LBS can't help but feeling pressure at times and getting impatient. I try to remind myself that we have been together for a quarter of a century so even a couple of years of bad times is worth it if we stay together in the end.

I know you feel that a lot of time has gone by and you may be worried that it is too late, but I don't think it is or she would be packing her things. Things can turn around in a matter of a few days.......

Yes - if I could rewrite some history I would have used the time better, but it is water under the bridge. At the end of the day, it has been 4 months since the EA was discovered/busted the first time. Leaving is something she has a hard time figuring out how to do as you suggest. When I re-discovered the EA a month ago she made a comment about leaving at the end of the summer once the kids are back in school. She hasn't mentioned it since, however, and I am wondering what she plans to do. That is why these next 6 weeks are critical in my eyes.

you may kind of be careful about showing "too much" excitement in your resolve to be upbeat b/c she may interpret it to mean you think the "sex is on".....

I've pretty much given up on that for now - it has been 8 months (since EA started) since she has let me lay a finger on her! I agree however that she may react as you say to any upbeat mood I may be in. Actually, if she does permanently come back to our bed (unlikely) I won't say anything about it and try to maintain an even attitude so that she doesn't notice much change (except arguments about why she is in the other room will stop).

I "knew" I was having an affair of the heart, but I am kind of wondering if your W is that much in denial when she keeps insisting that they are "friends" and she's not having an A. Of course, some think you have to have the physical act f sex for it to be counted as a real A.

She knows it is wrong and had admitted that she had 'feelings' for this person. However, I think she later regrets making these statements because she will still make the other argument that an EA is not an A and isn't considered betraying wedding vows. It is her twisted way of protecting herself from blame/wrongdoing I realize so I have stopped arguing with her about it, because I know she knows the truth about all this - she just doesn't feel like admitting it to me or others. I just make sure she knows I am clear on the fact that I think it is wrong - believe me she understands where I sit on the issue!