New Post for Wifey

[The Wifey]

Yesterday was my H's 43rd birthday. I bought him a pair of binoculars. I spent quite a bit of time researching what to look for in a quality pair. He'd mentioned he would like to get a pair that was compact to go in his bag on his motorcycle when we'd been in the state park a few weeks ago.

He really, really liked them! I got a nice hug, a kiss and he smiled from ear to ear. Worth every penny, for sure.

Father's day had a sour note. My 20 year old came and got his father a card. Unfortunately he picked out a card that was immature and just plain mean. Basically it was a dog on the front that said he worked hard to make him something for father's day. Inside it said, "It's in the yard."

Now, they have had their issues over many years, and certainly the separation has not helped, but his father has been paying his rent and utilities every month for him to attend college. It did take him a long time to finally reach out to Cody - of late he's invited him to do lunch or dinner, maybe a movie.

Cody has made no effort and refused all invites. Yes it took a long time for his Dad to pull his head out of his - well you know - but come on! This was just plain immature.

I let him know it was unnecessary and hurtful the next day. I let him know that if his intention was to hurt his Dad that he had done that. But, I added that he is a part of a family. Maybe not a perfect one, but a family none the less. He not only hurt his Dad, he hurt me, he hurt his grandmother and his grandfather.

That evening (day after Father's Day) I met my H for dinner. We ate and then talked about Cody and the card for about two and a half hours. This was destructive to any relationship they may have for a long time. Obviously, Cody has his feelings to deal with and many of them are valid, but if you could have seen the my H. He was pretty hurt, disappointed and quite certain he never wants another Father's Day in his life.

I told my H that I understand much of Cody's feelings, but that he dealt with them in an immature way. Instead of working toward a relationship he'd shut a door. As my H said, S basically gave him Dog Sh*t for Father's Day. The day he turns 21 a stark reality will hit him, because his Dad will no longer pay for rent, utilites, etc.

Yes, I know a father is more than a checkbook, Cody's main complaint. He wanted to know his Father, be able to talk to him, not feel judged and like he doesn't measure up. My H was very strict and stern with him as a child. C choice was inexcusable.

Later I had an email from my H that said for the first time in a long time he felt we were on the same page about our son.

I don't know where it goes from here. I can't get between them. I have tried to encourage both of them to make an effort for a year now.

One good thing is my H specifically said this is between his son and he, and will not affect us or what we are trying to rebuild. Certainly it is a complication, and has me very worried.

[The Wifey]

Very mixed weekend, but over all good. Part II of H's birthday was on Saturday. I didn't tell him what we were doing, only that it was an activity. I surprised him with white water rafting in the state park near our house. He'd said on the last trip through the park that he'd always wanted to do it.

We had a really good time and I was glad it was a secret until we got very close. Neither of us fell in the river, but we did get absolutely soaked.

After we went home and changed we went out to dinner. Talked more about our son. This latest episode has really messed him up, my H said. On the way back to the house he was very down and I looked over and saw him crying. I reached over and held his hand as I drove.

I told him I understood and hugged him when we got out of the car. Really, this is a reality he has to face. A 20 year old kid is acting out because he is hurt. And H caused that hurt.

We watched a movie and didn't really talk much more until bed. H slept in the guest room again. Sigh. He did say he enjoyed the rafting.

Sunday we moved the old living room furniture into the garage and brought in the leather sofa and lounge chair I bought at a yard sale. H mowed the steep parts of the yard while I cleaned the living room and set up the room. I am very pleased with how it came out. Contemporary, yet still very country.

We both worked on setting up the garage for the yard sale I am going to have. He moved his truck into the third bay so I would have two bays free. At least, I will once i get rid of the old furniture.

[The Wifey]

To continue my journal.......

When H came back inside he decided to send S a text. He asked him directly, "I got crap for father's day & no birthday greetings. Why are you so mad at me?"

S did respond. You should have asked that question a year ago. (For those that have been following me - S & H had a falling out last July. H felt son crossed the line and end result he told him to get the f*ck out.)

In retrospect he wish he hadn't uttered those words. S was trying to protect me, he felt. Didn't feel he needed to know our personal business. And Mr Perfect admitted he didn't always do things right (gasp!) and that he always tried to do what was in his best interest.

Some more exchanges between S & H. S ended up saying this is not a conversation for text. H agreed, but asked him to write back with paper or email. H would read and ask questions if he didn't understand something. Also told him he started with text so they could converse, yet not do it in person to avoid an argument.

After all this H says he doesn't think S understands that he is doing everything to give him an opportunity - to graduate from college with no debt. (H gets a full tuition waiver because of H working at the college. H pays S's rent, utilities, books.) Says he lives at parents instead of paying rent so he can pay S's.

I asked him what he would do if S asked why H has to live with parents when he has a perfectly good house right here. Why don't you just go home to Mom?

H said I would say your parents are separated. So I asked if his S wanted to know what was happening or going to happen? H said he wouldn't know what to say because he doesn't know himself. I said fair enough.

Man this hit me hard. Granted this is my crazy week. The week before my monthly. I am generally a basket case and so far the meds are just scratching the surface.

H said are you ok? I told him no, not really. We have had a beautiful weekend but I know you are going to be leaving pretty soon. He can't tell S anything and he can't tell me anything.

H took books home and said he'd read them 2 weeks ago but hasn't opened them. H said he wasn't sure he was going to.

I pretty much mushed at this point. So we just continue like this? H said he hears he isn't doing enough. H doesn't have a clue what to do or say to me right now. The man is so lost.

Time to re-set, and get out of the fog.

[The Wifey]

Finally a break in the weather. I'm going fishing. Soon. For a long time.

[kara]

Wifey,

It is not an easy road to travel. But I think you are doing very well and I will be thinking of you.

[The Wifey]

Well, guys. The word menopause mean anything to you? My OBGYN had said I was peri-menopausal. The doctor had put me on Welbutrin because the week before my period has become a nightmare. I take three doses that week and only two the rest of the month.

This month it just wasn't enough. After my mush on Sunday I pretty much didn't stop crying, bad enough that I called my doctor. Normal weeks I am calm, cool and collected, positive, the model of DBing. This was so bad, I thought I was losing what was left of my sanity.

Luckily, though my doctor is on vacation, the nurse practitioner could see me that afternoon. I told her how I'd been and that just thirty minutes before I'd been laying on my bed sobbing. She and my doctor are both well aware of my sitch.

As it turns out, it was a really good thing my doctor was on vacation. : ) By the time I got to the office, had I had to see a male doctor, he probably would have had his shorts pulled up and over his ears!

Nurse practitioner confirmed it sounded like menopause. She'd had a similar problem, although she became witchy. I told her how I could feel it coming on, but it was like a hole was opening up under me and I couldn't stop it. Then once I was in the hole I usually stayed there until the start of my flow.

I now have a fast-acting script for anxiety. The first time I took it I was so sleepy, so if I need it again, which hopefully shouldn't be for about four more weeks, I think I will take half.

Maybe Michelle needs to add another chapter to DR, about menopause. Yikes. I was scared. I did not like feeling like that. And yeah, after such a wonderful weekend, the good memories are a bit tarnished by the ending - not good DBing, but something I couldn't control. That loss of control was what was scary.

H must understand a little, he asked me to meet for dinner tonight. I am just wiped out. Tired to the bone after the last couple of days.

He leaves tomorrow to go to the wedding of one of his former student employees. She gets married on Saturday two states away. He plans to take the motorcycle if the weather will cooperate. I just hope he is safe the whole time. I worry when he goes any distance on that thing.

I have family coming in from out of state. My nephew, his fiance and their little baby boy from Key West, FL and my sister, BIL, and niece and nephew from North Carolina. We have a big family picnic on Saturday and I also have to go see my son in a bmx bike show Saturday evening. Should keep me plenty busy.

[The Wifey]

The weather just can't seem to improve. We have had rain solid since Sunday. YUCK!

It seems to fit my mood. Dinner last night was pleasant, but I had the definite feeling of being on eggshells. I didn't have a lot to say - just didn't - so he filled in the blanks telling me about work. As usual, there is some sort of political squabble going on.

He gave me a very long hug before he got in his car. He looked deep into my eyes ( or so it seemed ) and he said, "You do know I love you, don't you?" I looked back and said I did. Another hug and he said he would see me tomorrow maybe, or after he came back from the trip.

My head still isn't completely straight. I'm not quite sure what to make of him asking. I've told him a few times, though not lately, that he loves me more than he realizes. I am not reading anything into it. I just can't go there right now.

[Coach]

We have had rain solid since Sunday. YUCK!

It seems to fit my mood.

Make it fit your mood by changing your perpsective. The rain helps things to grow. Growth is good.

He gave me a very long hug before he got in his car. He looked deep into my eyes ( or so it seemed ) and he said, "You do know I love you, don't you?" I looked back and said I did. Another hug and he said he would see me tomorrow maybe, or after he came back from the trip.

Try this next time. "I know you love me. You really show me you do when you do_______ and _________. That makes me feel __________."

Cheers

[sandi2]

Hi Wifey! It's been a long time and I was just trying to catch up on your thread.

I saw the desparation in your posts and I hope that your H will not take advantage of your feelings. I understand what you are going through with the menopause junk. even though I had surgery and was "thrown" into it years ago. I know my hormones were very messed up before I had the EA....during the EA.....and after the EA!! Between the health issues and the emotional stress levels, yes....I too, thought I was having a nervous breakdown. It is horrible. I would tell any woman not to mess around with small town doctors (the way I did) and try to find one that knows what to do for a female going through these changes! It not only affects us physically, but in every way our mind, body & spirit work together. Everything about us is hormonal. I think a lot of that plays a part in so many women having MLC now days. When I was a kid, we never heard of that term.....and especially with females. The first time I heard it was referring to balding men in their 50's who wear gold chains and buy a red sports car. They use to say that MLC was the "male" version of menopause......then women started having MLC, too.....and we stopped hearing that about men....lol. I typed LOL....but there is nothing funny about any of it!!

I just wanted you to know that I was still around here and I think of you and still want the best for "my girls". I am on the Piecing Forum at "Sandi's Place" if you ever want to drop in.

Take care,
Sandi

[The Wifey]

We have had rain solid since Sunday. YUCK!

It seems to fit my mood.

Make it fit your mood by changing your perpsective. The rain helps things to grow. Growth is good.

He gave me a very long hug before he got in his car. He looked deep into my eyes ( or so it seemed ) and he said, "You do know I love you, don't you?" I looked back and said I did. Another hug and he said he would see me tomorrow maybe, or after he came back from the trip.

Try this next time. "I know you love me. You really show me you do when you do_______ and _________. That makes me feel __________."

Cheers

Coach, if Gypsy wouldn't mind I'd like to give you a big old sloppy wet one. ; ) You chimed in just at the right time. I am getting my hair and make-up done and heading out to visit with family.

And, the second part I normally can manage. Just wasn't happening yesterday. I was just whipped. I can feel it and do it on my good days, but my faking it was off for the day.

Better that I just let it go at that. He has his free weekend and I will be busy. Give Gypsy a big hug, she deserves you!