So you are saying that my H's experience could be more about the sponsor than H?
Could be, could be mutual. I don't want to judge the sponsor without knowing totally what went on, but that's why I wanted to share my experience so you know it happens...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I hear so much from everyone, each has an opinion or experience. I can only judge what is working or not working.
I personally understand the intention behind the rule, but with M I think it is different - I go back and forth between a person in recovery needing to learn to take back control over their life and all that goes with it - and not overwhelming them with the ruins of the past and the weight of things in the present.
Right now, I mostly avoid long discussions or disagreements b/c most are not a priority. Important things I work for a compromise which usually comes easy now. Surprisingly, most things are unimportant that come up which shows us both that we used to argue about unimportant things and mostly agree on the important stuff.
Why don't you do some research and make a few calls to some AA groups or look online for some support groups that can maybe answer those questions for you about R with an A that is less than a year sober.
Seems like if he is doing well and is handling it well you are ok. My only concern would be if you were the only one bending jus to keep the peace and go back to that codie behavior we all know well I am learning that the codie behavior is almost as powerful as the addiction itself.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I may have some codie behavior but I think we went from one extreme to the other and eventually figured out that if I take a stand and don't bend, but don't argue, he caves. The difference now is that we discuss things which is how I think it should be.
A new thing now, H has a 17 y/o grandson but never met him b/c his son kicked him out at 14. ( son is alcoholic) Well, H is on FB and got a message from his grandson who is very anxious to meet. H checked him out with other son who had the kid out to visit last month. H is overwhelmed but excited too. This should be interesting.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Had a good 4th, did a lot of fun stuff including a cook out with the kids and their friends. H stayed up late to go see fireworks with me something he wouldn't have done before.
H called his "newly acquainted grandson" yesterday and had a good talk.
I am kind of feeling like I am living in a dream world. H and I are getting along well on a consistent basis. We continue to talk through disagreements vs argue, and he is more flexible about things. I get to do a lot of things I want to do, things are smoother and we are having a lot of fun doing it. Fun was something we didn't do before.
Somebody pinch me... no forget it.. I just want to enjoy it.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I am learning that the codie behavior is almost as powerful as the addiction itself.