d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Thanks Grace,

I don't even know how to try anymore !! My thoughts and my own actions are getting so confused.

I do have bitterness for alot of what he said last friday. I know not to believe it all. Then I remember what he said back on June 15 th, that he loved me and wanted to be with us. But of course he said that he doesn't remember saying that, then said that that wasn't for me. Again, don't believe all he says.

This is all happening so fast that i'm not sure what to even do -- 180's? , go dark?, or just plain let him go totally. Try to be his friend, but then again I didn't like it when he said he used me (these last happier months)- even though I know he really seemed happier a few months ago. Now he's bitter and angry all over again.

I know I'm typing in circles (like my thoughts). I want to wipe the slate clean. Does anyone have any ideas for me on how to start all over again with him ?

I know I have to take care of my D4 and I first. But do I just totally leave him alone? Let the divorce happen (he filed, I can't really stop anyway)Or should I try to small talk. Right now we aren't really talking.

I'm as crazy as he is (it feels that way)

Happy 4th to all !!! D4 and I are going to a parade and a little carnival in a neighboring small town on Saturday so at least my mind will be off of him for awhile. (unless I see him there ! )

Grace, I hope you and your d's have a fun holiday