"BTW Coaching call today...Laurie thinks H is in more of an identity/MLC than WAH. GREAT!"
I will give you this comment. MLC/Identity Crisis and the WAS share alot of the same "symptoms". The difference is usually the MLC/IC person will have more specific issues with themselves and attempt to "recreate" themselves. MLC/IC is also usually tied to age. Although some research has pointed out that people are experiencing MLC/IC are getting younger. In the end the advice to "win" will be the same. There is no reason to "define" what the issue may or may not be. Simply because it is the OP's issue to deal with. I may take some heat over that statement.. but.. there it is.
Giving no heat here- just a perspective from my own experiences.
From an action point of view, I totally agree- the advice to "win" will be the same. Where we might diverge in opinion is that, for me, being able to "define" my sitch as MLC/IC was extremely helpful as a coping mechanism, exactly because of what an MLC/IC is. It seems to me that, with a WAS, you are dealing with a reasonable individual that can use common sense. When a WAS walks away, you can rest assured that you most likely had a significant role in them leaving. With MLC/IC, that same reasoning capacity and common sense is not as apparent, or in some situations even absent. Because, as you say, the MLC/ICer has specific issues with themselves, I believe that it's entirely possible to be the absolute perfect spouse to them, and they will STILL find fault with SOMETHING in order to justify escaping the R.
I will be the first to admit that I was not the perfect spouse, but at the same time I don't feel I did anything bad enough to warrant my W acting and treating me the way she does, or seeking a D.
For me, the difference is being able to more readily forgive myself for my own shortcomings in the M, and recognizing that my W has a problem that is all her own....one that I can't "help" her with.... and that she would probably go through this whether I had met her or not.
That alone has brought me along farther than anything else in being able to stand.
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
I'm just curious, but what about my sitch makes you all agree so quickly?
Weird thing, H's friend from Bball calls me the other day & says - your H is acting really strange. He just sits at the games really quiet & doesn't joke around anymore.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
I'm just curious, but what about my sitch makes you all agree so quickly?
Weird thing, H's friend from Bball calls me the other day & says - your H is acting really strange. He just sits at the games really quiet & doesn't joke around anymore.
