My H said he wants a D, I'm devastated!

[BeingMe]

Hi Chel! Montreal is a long way from where I live, and another world. I have a friend from there and she says it is very cosmopolitan. Most people speak French, and they are not inclined to like english speakers. If one is not used to it, it may become overwhelming after awhile --- you know, like when you're on vacation, and it's great fun, but after a couple of weeks you just want to go home.

As for M --- the divorce rate in Canada is 30%, so that says it all. I know you were just ribbing me, but I just wanted to point it out.

Mom and Peace are right in so many ways, but I want to point out (and I have been on this board a looooonnnng time), that it is quite rare to get a MLC spouse back, and if you do, to get back the spouse you had or want (at least, in my case where I got my friend back, but not my husband). So, be prepared for that too. I would stress to your H that you are going out and having fun for yourself and not because you are 'changing for him', so it's not 'too late', but just in time for YOU. You might even thank him for waking you up to the fact that you were in a rut. But, be sure to make him see that it's not for him, because it's not. Of course, this is if he brings up any R talk. This is a time where you can look at yourself and see what's missing, where you can improve, whether you've been holding out on yourself.

The big thing with DB, is detaching. Try and find a way to detach from the drama of his life. You cannot do a thing for him now. His R with his mother and sister is up to him now. Don't try and make it better for him. He has to face every consequence of his actions. And, just because he's in Montreal, doesn't mean he won't be thinking of them.

The more you try and hold him back, the more he will justify his leaving. Let go! At least, try. It will be better for you, and it will leave him with no excuses. Anger does help with detachment, by the way.

Definitely, get to that L, take care of your finances, etc. I agree, do not start the proceedings --- let him do it, if he wants it so bad.

Just a side note --- don't y'all think Governor Stanford is going through MLC? Key word to his mistress --- she is my 'soul mate'. I feel so sorry for the wives who have to play this out in public.