Now this is where I get confused. Should I be talkative to him? or just short and sweet??
If you are in a good place (mentally) and you want to talk, that's fine. It's also ok if you want/need to keep it short and sweet. All of this forces you to look at your true motivations. Don't do anything that you know is punishing. That doesn't serve anyone. Also, if I have an agenda (you know, like "if I do this, then he'll...") I tend to keep it short. That helps me to keep my expectations low and when I am chatty it is genuinely friendly.
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Then I remember what he said, just because he was hanging with us that didn't mean he was changing his mind on the divorce. He prayed with our D at bedtime and tucked her in just to help ME out. OMG !!! the flippin nerve.
Just b/c he said it, doesn't make it real, even for him. You may never know. Yeah that sux and it's mean and hurtful. If you can have compassion for his mucked-upedness, that's great, if not (and the trick is to work on detaching while having compassion), give yourself a break.
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Why can't I just learn to detach from him?? Even though he's being a jerk, I still love him. WHY is that ????
If any of us had the answer to that one, I don't think there would be nearly as many of us on this site. Detaching is easier IMO when you don't see them as much, but with time, even those of us that see them alot get the hang of it.
He's going to parent differently than you and do things you don't like. Should he have taken care of her bottom? Of course, and she may not have been uncomfortable, I hope she would tell him if she was and that he would TCB. Are you being a B****? I don't think so. Does that change anything? No. You "telling" him what he needs to do for her will not motivate him in any way shape or form. Since it wasn't dangerous or distructive, I think you need to let it go.
You're angry and you get to be. I know how hard it is to be angry and still work on detaching and in addition to all of that not make things worse by falling into old patterns. You may not be in a place where you can not think that anything you do or say will make or break the situation. The truth is, when you can really look out for you and let him be and parent how he's going to, you will start to have moments of peace. Then it gets easier. Moment by moment, day by day.
Keep in mind has quickly all of this has happened. You really haven't had alot of time to process everything. It's all a work in progress. Venting helps
