I am not on these boards very much anymore but I read your thread and wanted to let you know that I have been where you are. My H did everything yours is doing, or is going to do.
My H had an OW and lied about it, he fell off the face of the earth and didn't see his children, he spent money like water and racked up major debt, he filed for divorce told me he never loved me and our marriage was over.
Throughout this time, I DB'd my butt off, at times H would see me but the majority of the time I did it for me. I was doing ok as a single mom, paying the bills and working. I would go out with my friends and I had a huge support system, my biggest supporters being my brother and sister in law (H's brother).
The day we went to court, I was a ROCK. I didn't yell, scream, cry....nothing. I was very businesslike and we settled on an agreement. Mind you, this was a great act because I was ready to rip his eyes out.
Even after all this and the divorce in process, H came back! He stopped the process of the D and wanted to come home. I said I would try but on my terms...we went to counseling and lived apart while we reconnected. H became very involved with the kids and was being the best father he had been in a long time.
All of this was over two years ago. We just celebrated our 9th anniversary yesterday and our marriage is stronger. We do still talk about what happened and attend counseling once every few months.
My advice to you is to get your finances in order, talk to a lawyer to see what your rights are but DO NOT FILE if you are not ready to be divorced!! The one thing I kept saying to my H while we were S, was if you want it, do it yourself, I am not helping you.
The things your H is saying are so typical! I was also blamed for everything...You have the fact that your H is still at home on your side...SHOW him what he will be missing!!
My H totally shocked me and dumped the news that he wasn't happy and didn't want to be married while we were on vacation!
You are not alone in all this! Like I said, I have lived your story! I will continue to check up on you!
