The thing that concerns me when a WAW is exposed of an EA is that they get to thinking what is the point of not going ahead and having a PA b/c her H has told everyone how horrible she is and now everyone thinks the worst about her, (including her own children), so she might as well live up to their poor image.
You have read her mind - she said this herself. In her case, she also mixes in the fact that if you call what she did an A she might have well just gone ahead and made it a PA since that is what she considereed an A to be (EA doesn't count)!
Quote:
Focus on what kind of man you were when she fell in love with you. How far have you come from that person in the last few years?
Probably quite a ways in many respects. I also think she was unhappy with many things for many years and was just tolerating it. She says things now like the fact that we had our 4th kid was because God wanted to keep her busy with children since she wasn't thrilled about her marriage.
I have tried to take a clean slate approach and work on myself from the ground up. Not that I was a bad guy or anything, but I did let a lot of other things become important that shouldn't. I lost my job right when the EA started also and I think that created a crisis for both of us. She didn't view me as the stable breadwinner like she always had relied on me to be, and I realized that money/career weren't as important as I thougth because when it is taken away what you have left is your loved ones and family. It was kind of an epiphany for myself, and it intensified through my experience with Retrouvaille and IC as well as lots of reading. However the '180' I started to implement was happening as she spun up the EA and she developed resentment. Timing is everything! If only I had done it 6-9 months earlier.
BTW - I never spent a day not working, however, because they gave me a couple of months notice, and was able to find a few new jobs to choose from so the crisis didn't deepen in that area really. However, given my new outlook on everything I took a lower-paying position so that I would have more time for my family and could work at home when needed. She isn't thrilled about it, but if we ever R she will realize this is all good I hope.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
