Newbie - first post and ?s

[givingitmyall]

Ash,

One thing I suggest is that you set a rule/boundary with H that there are no discussions when H is angry/yelling.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I tried to think of a DBing statement (to say to H) but it's really hard right now.

"I'm sorry you feel that way; that certainly wasn't my intent."

[Gardener]

I hate him, i really do hate him right now. He is the most selfish, arrogant, self-righteous SOB. I don't know how to handle this sitch. This is tearing me apart

What happened, Ash?

[Faith2010]

Okay - I approached H and told him I understood he wanted to be with his family and I apologize if he mistook what I had said as that was not my intent. H said Okay.

H just left to go to his parents. I don't know how long he is going or if he will be back tonight. S is a bit upset that he won't be here but I did not tell H that because he'll just see it as one more thing he's doing wrong.

Gardener - I'm just an emotional wreck right now. H was yelling at me, telling me I was wrong, and how pissed he was. There's only so much I can take. I am trying to be supportive to H because of BIL but I am barely holding it together.

To top it off, H is now brazen enough to put OW's name in his cell phone.

[givingitmyall]

Ash:

Gardener - I'm just an emotional wreck right now. H was yelling at me, telling me I was wrong, and how pissed he was. There's only so much I can take. I am trying to be supportive to H because of BIL but I am barely holding it together.

Yelling has to stop...NOW.

[Faith2010]

GIMA - Good news is he's gone. I agree about the yelling, it's the first time since this whole thing started.

Not an excuse but H is in a really bad place right now. H is completely messing up his life and now, on top of it, his brother died. I know he feels guilty for not spending more time with his brother. I told H yesterday that I think he needs IC due to all the issues he is facing. H responded he thought he was handling it well then added, with the exception of our M. H is in complete denial. H is a selfish SOB right now and does not have an ounce of feeling for me.

I am going to look into IC for me. Unfortunately I have to choose from my insurance's website cause I know no one and I've asked around but people seem to either know counselors for children or counselors they didn't like.

[Gardener]

Gardener - I'm just an emotional wreck right now. H was yelling at me, telling me I was wrong, and how pissed he was. There's only so much I can take. I am trying to be supportive to H because of BIL but I am barely holding it together.

I'm sorry, Ash. You have to turn around and walk away whenever he yells. A few nights ago you mentioned locking yourself in another room during one of his tirades. Do that. Bring a radio/iPod, whatever with headphones.

You mentioned being supportive because his brother passed away. How are you doing that? By subjecting yourself to abuse? With your sitch and his behavior I question whether it's even possible to support him in any way. Let him feel his pain and grief. Don't be the brunt of it. Leave as soon as it starts and calmly tell him why (or not; that's your call). Do it. You don't just set boundaries, you do boundaries.

Hang in there. Hanging in there is easy when it's easy and hard when it's hard.
Right now it's still hard. Do it anyway. Doit in spit of...

Hugs to you and S.

[Faith2010]

Thank you Gardener.

Question - i know it might be a stupid one but want to see what ya'll think.

Is it okay if I have my parents take my S straight to my sister's and meet them there today? We'd stay the weekend, so H wouldn't see S til Monday. Please remember H said he doesn't know if he's coming home tonight or tomorrow.

[Gardener]

I think that's fine. How can you plan around or be held hostage to a "don't know if I'm coming home tonight or tomorrow"?

[mishka422]

I think that sounds like a good plan Ash.