Well, for the next few days I`ll be processing all that stuff in peace because H is gone on his big cycle trip for the next four days.
Where we`re going I don`t know. I know he`s treating me badly but I`ve started putting up boundaries on that one.
Yesterday I abandoned the post dinner mess leaving it for him to tackle-he did. I didn`t invite him to sleep with me but he did anyway. No physical stuff though. I didn`t wake up to see him off this morning.
Our talk is brief, businesslike and civil. No tension there. that`s a big plus for the kids. Maybe not enough as an example of how parents should interact but a definite improvement.
I`m working on me. The therapist has given me plenty of food for thought as to where I can improve my loving in any relationship.
I`m done with a lot of the head stuff-the labelling, the blaming, the nagging, the bitching.I know where a lot of our problems are coming from now.Unfortunately, H is not interested enough in me to want to find a solution to these problems and I`m not sure I really want to stay married to him anyway.
Each of us being ambivalent about the other is a huge source of our problem.
My job now is to go with my spiritual side. To stay calm and centered and throw this up to God to sort out.
I am continuing to improve myself, my home, my finances, my friendships. I`ll need all those things no matter what the outcome of all this is.
